even though i have ups and downs, and turning left and right ranting and expressing my emotions i feel like i’m on a waterfall…..any second i can drowse myself in the beautiful, icy cold and clear water. But first i have to jump, how can that be possible, i’m a little bit scared of heights so wooops that cant happen or can it? hehehe, never mind lets just stick with the idea that i feel like i’m top of the world! it’s a great feeling and now how are you feeling?

aside from my rambling and blahs, let me tell you what triggered my anger today and mostly everyday….my computer the nemisis….. only…blah blah blah. i hate it and wish to throw it off a third story building just to watch the machine crumble into tiny pieces similar to a broken glass. hehehehe the brightside of it is that nothing can patch it back together :P… am i weird if everyone around me enjoys computers and i dread such a gadget….wishing it were never invented what ever happened to the old days of mail instead of email, writing instead of typing, talking instead of starely aimlessly into the screen and losing our eye sight…..point to note: their destructive and hated by me…….. the hate and reason for this rage towards them is because …… oh well only me myself and the others near me understand my hard ache, yup each day it functions by itself whenever it feels like shutting down to nap it does so….which enlightens my anger….. the life of your battlefield battling the computers………will someone save me?:P

next post i am hoping to write a short story, at least i hope i will do so……well till then smiles and grins from your battlefield to whomever comes across my nonsense :O hehehe enjoy and dont forget to breathe in the life dont let it breathe you out….. dont fall into that ditch :P…..am feeling philosphocial today hehehe dont you think ;-).

ONE WISH…..

p.s my hands are killing me *:( and am tired and schools tomoroow hehhe at least i didnt go on saturday but was sick so wasnt much joy in staying home 🙁 oh well…..

what can my wish be?????

Attention: if you are in no mood to hear someone rant and scream about their troubles, then this post will do you no good, thanks for stopping by though….. my post is about my rants and problems :0

noooooooo, my spring break vacation or what ever you might call it, is ending within 9 hours, noooo, saturday, school is back, did i mention how i dread this and that…..am so sick of this stress and i need something to keep me going….am tired and i have been sick on thursday and today as well, i am in need of a new vacation….i am having so many bad days….ooof. yesterday, i tossed and turned and couldnt fall asleep for exactly 5 hours, yup i kept count, when there’s no sleep, the mind acts weird and remembers these stupid things….. am parished and i need a break…. :9 and i had no sweet dreams at all….depressing aint it ??!

oh well, the only thing cheering me up this moment is the song by fuel “had a bad day again”, my life is full of those days…. and i havent lived quite yet…… too much to do, i think the next 3 months left of school i wont have a day to simply breathe, what am i going to do….? ooof already i have too many stuff for this week and the next and i am simply feeling the stress overloading and trampling me and making me falll. oh well tomorow i’ll look on the brightside, but today, simply speaking my troubles and oooof. till next time i gues 🙁 -:/ = :r

brightside: i still have to watch “one tree hill”. “will & grave”, “LOST”, and “She’s the Man.. and i am in no mood to watch any one of them …………………………….

i overused the word i and rereading this post, i see that all i talk about is me, wooops. 🙁

These two, this woman and man were my first attmept at drawing freehand, i did not trace them at all. I am really proud on how they both turned out to look like, both were of models, but they look nothing like them I gave them a touch of dandoonism 😛 so they look different… all drawn again during the summer of 2005, basically the only time I can relax and create something without stress of school and blah blah blah.

This one is incomplete, not yet finished or actually I didnt have the time to complete it, once I do, the girl I am thinking will be wearing something different than in the photograph, what’s your opinion. 🙂

I used acrylic paper for these pictures though I didnt use acrylic paint, the only paint that was near me was watercolors, yup and no paint brush so I used my hands to create these two paintings. Personally, I only like the background of words I wrote and I dont like how the girls turned out to look like, unreal and superficial. oh well, next time I will learn 😛

By the way, D.A.G, are my initials, i wasn’t to comfortable in making my identity known to the world yet, but i guess from dandoonism you can figure out my first name …. enjoy and hopefully i will post as i did before, a post everyday but that routine got boring so oh well 😛

It no longer seems to give her the content she longs to grasp. Why has it suddenly changed her beautiful thoughts and created a nightmare of fears? Can’t those everlasting words that seemed to ring in her ears continously give her the notice she longs to understand? How has it caused every unreal thing to estrange itself from herself….and now she implores that you reveal the results she seeks…cause she’s waiting anxiously on the edge of her seat.

It all began at the break of dawn, when the roosters awoke for their daily ritual of waking every unwoken beast from their unwholesome sleep. Why is it that today, she no longer felt the same, are the whispers she hears nothing but the winds breeze seaping through her closed window’s cracks? How can the wind blow through these stainglass windows when she never sought the breeze that is chilling her very core… as she lay unresting on the white pillows that tried to give her comfort but only assured her the heart ache she expressed from the weight of world that seems to hold a grudge against her…. but why?

She didnt’ comprehend the spoken words that were like the letters of a child’s unsturdy handwritning voicing themselves on the sheets of the crumpled paper. She wondered hopelessly of how it caused her this grief, but how can such a greatly unimportant thing seem to overtake her every thought and step she took? Was it all along the importance in her world, and did she never know it’s longing as it stood on her dusty, worn out shelf. And why are the four thick bricked walls staring at her in the midst of her anxiety and when she’s feeling infatuated, they glisten their soiled wounds seeking to destroy her rare feelings …… again she asks you why?

“Can you answer her everylasting questions and what might “it” be?”

I know for sure none of you out there will know what i meant by “it” but i love a challenge and i hope you do too..am waiting anxiously for your feedback and your understanding of what “it” may be? let’s just say you should’nt rule out anything that you might first think to rule out…hehe i’m confusing arent i…..that’s what everyone tells me… oh well, i hope the confusing me amused you with her short story….. but do answer her questions she seeks. by the way i wanted to give the character a name but i hate naming character’s so she will just have to be happy with the name i gave her which is just “her” feel free to suggest what name she should be given 😛

confusion wishing you a great day and may all ur confusion ignite when reading my post 🙂

I would like to give a special thanks to none other than Jacqui, my precious who has taken the time in her day to make me a profile pic which i insanely love….thanks so much.

Spring Break is finally here, great, now i can sleep till whenever….and i dont need to worry about doing this and that for all these classes, though i must do some things that are due after spring break so its not really a break, just a small short intermission i guess. i have loads of things to do but inshallah i’ll finish everything i plan to start.

My blog will undergo a serious change in the near future probably the end of the weekend, and inshallah this change will liven it up and make me blog appealing to the eyes. Well, i ran out of things to say so i guess this is all for now, 😛

Different Location. New Story. New Souls caught inbetween….something they can not attain.

He gentley held her lean, slim waist with one hand as the other descended upon her soft creamy loved hands while she stood in awe. She could no longer comprehend anything at all until he leaned forward this time silently whispering his innocent painful words……

She wet her soft rosy lips and gentley placed a superficial smile on her face. But those eyes of hers, those eyes, no one could miss those eyes which seemed to tell you the story of the heartache, anguish and grief that man caused with but his presence alone……

Still and safe from her grasp, he stood this time with his lips aganist her cheek as she cried out the tears her heart no longer could imprison within his presence. She heard her laughter and all she could do was gentley raise her hands to her broken, bruised and ashamed heart. She silently uttered to him, “You probably broken so many hearts with your handsome face, but with me this time, you’ll understand what’s going to be the difference….. and its only when you look into my eyes you’ll see……

He stood unmoving yet still beside his new prey and that being the lovely, bewitching her while she closed her eyes this time to open them and feel a new feeling unbelievable it may. He saw what she meant and was taken aback, how could those dark brown eyes gleaming the heartache and pain he caused all of a sudden create tears of blood the color of a welted rose cascading upon her face, was it because he was the one and only love she would every fully give her heart to and not hold back what she wanted to badly to give and recieve….

She now waited for his thoughts to escape his dry lips only to find that his eyes yielded his feelings of yet being innocent and unguilty of commiting those sins. While all along his latest victim her, was yet twirling her newly blow dried hair seemed to be in a far away place not listening to what he and she were in the middle of saying….

He and she glared at each other, his eyes stood cold hearted, pitiless, unemotional and numb while she closed her eyes to escape the truth she fought hard to hide, and now her eyes stood wanting to feel passion, tenderness, love and sought just a bit of responsiveness from……

All three stood waiting and though they all moved on from this unforgetable scene, here is how it was to be after all of that, he who sought to find she who loved his soul .. failed to find she the one whose stillness ignited his match and only seemed to harden and darken the edge with those eyes that unmasked everything they all tried to hide. She however died young with a broken heart that was abused by he, who then wanted and sought the passion that truthfully only she possessed towards him, no one else felt the same for him except she…. and what a shame her soul was lost in quakes of different men, but now she stood lost on the alter of shame for her family as the words of holy matrimony were said, though her smile was lighting up her face, she recalled the words her ears seemed to voice in her thoughts….”let’s hope, he and she don’t become me and he.” Her heart began to chain its doors from any intruder it was to face.

the end to the story hope you enjoyed these words and i tell you i was really caught up in the story that of HE, SHE and HER as i was writing it, i am speechless at this people who i believe exist in our world, though are me and you one of them, only time will tell….but for now, i will end it here hoping you think of the story of she and he and maybe whats their to be….. i thought this would be a nice continutation to the other story i began but this one is a new one i dont want to collide it with the previous so whats ur feedback on this new story written by me. 😛

She said to me, “Go steady on me.
Won’t you tell me what the Wise Men said?
When they came down from Heaven,
Smoked nine ’til seven,
All the shit that they could find,
But they couldn’t escape from you,
Couldn’t be free of you,
All now they know there’s no way out,
And they’re really sorry now for what they’ve done,
They were three Wise Men just trying to have some fun.”

Everyone has escaped from me
Its not hard to see that their free of me and my burden on them
There is always a way out when its related to my being
No one is ever sorry
Not even me for what they have done because now im priceless with their guilt of seeing
and pain stricken hearts that have kindled my eyes.
Everyone but me seeks to find some fun i want nothing thats known to others and so..

Look who’s alone now,
Its not me. Its not me.
Those three Wise Men,
They’ve got a semi by the sea.
Got to ask yourself the question,
Where are you now?

I’m the one who is alone, though in my thoughts body and soul
Your surrounded by those you know, love and hate, and my invisibile self in your eyes
The question to ask yourself is….
Where do you want to be, not where you are now, because thats useless to me and you

Really sorry now,
They weren’t to know.
They got caught up in your talent show,
With you pernickety little bastards in your fancy dress,
Who just judge each other and try to impress,
But they couldn’t escape from you,
Couldn’t be free of you,
And now they know there’s no way out,
And they’re really sorry now for what they’ve done.
They were three Wise Men just trying to have some fun.

Dont play with me, i know you and everyone else is never sorry
Everyone knows so dont bother, whats there in the start
I didnt know i had an audience seeking my destruction nor was i informed of the talent you Think i possess
I dont lie to you, so this is true, i do seek to impress and who doesnt judge would just be Decieving their self because we all do that
Everyone one again can escape from my clutches
I am living in a world thats free of me
I want the way out they sought when gaining their freedom from me
Again, no one is sorry for my well being
These three men i refuse to mention were all living far away from me, so how can they feel Sorry for me and suggest all of this….i guess you are where i want to be now and i am just
Far Away

this is how i felt while listening to James Blunt singing the song “Three Wisemen”,these were my thoughts towards everything i listened to, heartfelt words at least to me , how did you feel….? i’m seriously tired of all this and that i have experienced today and before and there’s gotta be a way out, can i seek the directions to an unexisting place….. :r

She leaned forward to breathe the words to him, but he turned his face. Silently seeking the answers to her unknown questions, she smiled softly at his presence. She wasnt willing to admit the truth that unmasked his lies….she was blinded by the love she possessed for him. She closed her eyes and….

He took a step back, calculated his thoughts and put two and two together and he finally understood why she did that. Did he lead her to think he wanted her in that way? Was she really going to do this to herself? “Why decieve yourself and close your eyes? I’ve seen the fear you tried so hard to hid, and i sense those are wanting something they’d never get…” He looked back at her while she…

She took a step forward and touched his hand, he rescued his hands before she embraced them, when she slowly opened her eyes. Tears streamed down her face and she stood still no longer able to comprehend this any longer. She wanted this but it would never be…. because she couldn’t understand the reality….unwanted.

“Could you if you were in her situation?”

The following was a short story by me, and i created those illustrations using paint and those were but a few from many to come which i am going to call my undiscovered Obession, that is doodles and writing….. 😛 hope you enjoyed it and any feedback is appreicated 😛

So how about this little creation, nice or just ugly, first time i ever draw a doodle of a guy, how do u think he is..and what about their facial expressions, are they to your liking or are they just dull and feel unrealistic..i would love your feedback….. So i just finished doing my english homework, it was so much just for one class, i still have to do another class’s homework and then finally study for a test. too much to do, but hopefully i’ll finish in time so i can go to sleep by 1 30 am. i am so tired and parished from my outing today.

well today school day was a half-day, we went to school and then came home in the afternoon at about 12 usually we arent let out until 2 3o. though it was a carefree day, it ended up being really busy, too many things to do . i could have made it a carefree happy day if only i did the homework the day it was assigned but then again what is the essence of life without some stress and blah blah blah, well i dont know i definitely dont regret not doing my homework early because i am odd and i dont know. i sense that the information sticks in my mind and i will remember it and again blah blah blah. so today i went to this thingy somewhere to do something, going with my pops, lil lil sis and jacqui. i had a nice time, browsing and collecting all these brochures and what are the other things called, i duno. if you are curious to know what it was, it was a fair for colleges, and thats probably boring to you but i was excited and those people are so kind and sweet not like what you see daily in hehehe i wont say anymore.

i should stop talking and get back to work so i can sleep and i need to wake up in a few hours for another day at school, my god how many more days till spring break, hehehe, like about 9 more days till zzzzzzz….. infinte and undistrubed.

i’m in love with james blunt, not him but his songs and his beautiful voice, and u know what i will end up doing, i am going to probably listen to his songs contiously and by the weekend i will find someone else to get all hyped up about and then again discard their songs, because i give myself too much of this and that and in the end i am unsatisfied, i should leave some room for more and not fill myself up. i write tooo much and my words are my thoughts that are all so blurred and i have too many at the same time. endless they are.

“i wish i could surrender my soul, see a lie that burns within my needing, i wish i chose darkness from cold, i wish i screamed out loud instead of found no meaning i guess its time i run for awhile to find comfort in pain and old pleasures are the same, hiding my true shape.”-james blunt… i kind of altered his lyrics to my liking i didnt follow his words exactly i added and deserted some 😛 ooops i always do that, because nothing is to my liking 😀 so i have to subsitute things here and there………..

so which one is the best of these three, i did these drawings on paint….. so i’d like your feedback…and tell me should i stop or continuing posting these little creations i have made… do they bore you out

neeways, am quite lazy to do any schoolwork better yet the homework i have for tomorow…i’ll figure that out on my own. so i felt devasted and confused this morning and for most of the day however my precious inspirational someone motivated me and gave me hope which i am lacking this moment but insahallah what i want will happen…. so i guess thats all i have to think about now, what i want to do in my life though i am dazed and stumped i will figure it all out inshallah as soon as i like, because i simply am what i want to be…tell me has this happened to you once in a far long time, im talking about the hectics and emotional states of stress that’s yet to take its course before senior year for me..well till then and with a sad smile and crazy thoughts of .. 🙂

the words in the drawings are all part of some lyrics from here and there….not my words at all just expressed the emotions i was going for…thats all i know from my confusion this moment

am going to draw her, and that is final, but i still have to show it to the teacher and see if he approves of the lighting hitting the face, ooof after endless searching i have found what i was looking for- so tell me peeps what do you think of her, would you like to see the masterpiece finished after i oil paint her, i would and inshallah it will turn out well. now i need to search for a background to accompany this lady and the light has to enter the picture from the same direction it is hitting the lady so i must again go back and find what i am searching for..bas inshallah the teacher approves this lady was not my first choice but inshallah she is the last choice, cause im dying for this heartbreak of choosing the one and then he declines and says the lighting doesnt work, ooof it pisses me off but ..what are your opinions about her will she do?…

away from that and to this, my god i went to bed yesterday at 6 3o pm and hehehe didnt wake up till 8 oclock this morning, i slept like a baby and dreamed of ….. beautiful things, i love to dream and better yet love to sleep. sleep relaxes you and allows you for but a moment to experience the untrue, unreal, unthinkable things you can ever …imagine…. oh well. we can all dream cant we but i dont get how some people sleep and wake up without dreaming a single thing. i love having dreams so when i wake up and see that i dreamt of nothing, i will feel like something is missing, how would you feel if you slept and awoke without a dream?….nightmares arent that bad though, they heighten up your senses and give you senstational thrills, but they only come once in how many years ?..bummer .. 🙂

well what am i blabbing about, in a bit will go somewhere and just maybe, after my hopes were let down yesterday just maybe we will go to the beach and everything will seem beautiful and breathtaking, i guess we all want just at times for those feelings to arise, i love the beach and wish that when i grow old and become whatever it is that i will, i wish to have a house beside the shore, so far away from the noise of the peeps and the smell of pollution only near the beautiful, tranquile, breathtaking beach and listen to the birds chirpping (those that survived the bird flu :P) and listen to the shore waves come and go and place my toes in the cold water and just relax and clear my mind. wouldn’t you love to live near the beach, and experience all of this ?…..

been thinking alot about the future, but i am stuck in the present, i wonder about this and that but i should take a stand on things, am i right, or should i just let life takes its pass, i wish for all these things to happen only i know…., but well i had a talk with someone who asked what i wished to study, but i said to them i had a dream of being this “………” however i know its but a dream and i lack those skills to become that sense math is not my forte and i have awoken from the dream to see the truth, so thats no longer in the picture for me never can or will be, so i said i would like to be this “……….” in which i help people, and feel the essence of love, help them see life and love it, i will be earning far better things than money could every buy, i will become such a better person and this would only require patiences, which at times i lack but am working at it, i would in this field be working in hospitals which is something quite i duno, what am i blabbing about i better shut up for now cause i dont know where these words were supposed to take you to understand, i just dont know wouldnt that be a better way of expressing my thoughts, i just dont know!…. and then this person told me i could take upon another dream that i would and will do grand things in since i have inherited it from their talents (this someone is a family member if you still didnt get the hint :P) so its this “…” always had it in me, all i need is to nuture and grow and i could then be working with them in somwhere and travel so many places to go to places that are labelled somewhere and etc, this would be a beautiful experience but i guess know i know i am undecided. i must come up with plans for all these things and sit down and tell myself yes am not crazy to talk to myself but say now which is the one you know you can do and be a (#*$ ing great person doing it…… i better do that and find out just what …… oh i should shut up now. i blab to much on paper though utter a few words in person….

😀 thanks for reading my ….. and hope i kept your mind conflicted and confused knowing not what the hell i was speaking heheeh i guess its better to be misunderstood till then and with smiles and cheers 😛