A part of me I lost completely.
A part of me I lost within you.
A part of me I found spoiled.
A part of me I do not want to be without you.

I do not understand the meaning of forever,
And I do not know the meaning of old.
I always want to ask you, why were you never blue enough?
Why, when I want to hold you ..
Why, when I want to hold on tight ..
You let go briskly ..
When I find myself,
Complete in your arms.

I can not stop wanting,
To let go within you
To let life become you
To let myself love you.

You burn my fire, as you touch my tan skin
You stare into my dark eyes, as you plant deep kisses into my surface,
The sensations draw a wave,
From a cold ocean,
The waves are all we have
And I drown this time.

Complete and lost
Complete and gone.

I want to understand, why the skies with you,
At night time, are never cold enough,
Your hands are sage and dark,
And your eyes are completely lost.

I want to hold you,
I want to hold on,
To you,
To a frame of a picture,
When the picture is completely torn.
I want to tear myself apart,
Within you,
Lost
And your eyes always realize
That my eyes are never cold,
Their loving, and willing, and passion filled.

I love with my heart.

The tears that will fall,
Traveled a distance from the desert,
To touch the petals of a dry rose,
Kiss the lips of a homeless beggar,
Graze the hands of an innocent prisoner.

My tears are yours forever.
I will miss you when you go,

I will miss you when i go.
My heart will keep ..
Keep loving ..
Keep touching ..
Keep missing ..
A heart that was always white.

I will treasure ..
The moments ..
The hours ..
The minutes ..
As ever,
As long

If they last.

I want & I love.

Would you keep me in your heart?
From the distance?

Would you come,

I always did love you, from the start.

Lets start, and talk it out. Lets talk.
You start. I’ll remain silent.
Go ahead …

Breathe in …
Breathe out …

The least … you can do … is
open your heart …
Ask about me .. that is the least.
What’s between us .. is more than asking.
Its more than imagining .. its more than living.
Its more  .. you should be asking.

Every heart -  needs a moment – of stopping
Skipping – our hearts beating – Stopping.

Breathing lost …
Breathing again …
Breathing out …

The least … you can do
I’ll tell you … is that … you … should …
Find out if I’m dead from living in life.
Why don’t you live in my heart for just a while.
Just a while .. I wont tell.
I’ll keep you warm .. right inside,
I’ll let you into .. my white heart.
I’ll keep you inside.
I’ll keep our secret
For a life time.
For a long while.
For ever … even if I have to lie.

I’ll stay silent.
I’ll be quiet.

Do you know that what’s between us ..
Is bigger than loneliness ..
It’s darker than a black night ..
It’s a stolen heart .. A broken chain
A miserable look .. It’s the truth.
It’s our truth ….

A
true
feeling
inside.

Your heart only goes through it twice.

I’l stop.
I’l go.
I’l do as much as you ask for.

Do you know
That what’s between us
Is just between us
Is just between a word
Is just between a letter
Is just between a period
Is just between more than expecting

It all will hurt ..
And its worth the hurt ..

You and silence ..
You and I staying quiet ..

The story really just is …
That life is just a simple moment from living and aging
Its very simple and it will end so quick
I’l wrinkle your eyes ..
I’l kiss your lips ..
All you have to do ..
Is just live in my heart ..
For a moment..
I’l keep you inside ..
I’l let you watch me die
I’l touch your heart
I’l ask to live
I’l always ask
I’l always be asking

I‘l always start
What’s between us
Is so much more

Im wrinkled at twenty
Im died inside
But I really am living
And its all….
Because of you.

You bring me to life.

Don’t go away so soon.

tara magdr 3alik

magdr a’gol
magdr ash’kii
madre min wain wed’ik ab’tedi

ma ge’dar ...
ma ge’dar 7al 7eber …
ma ge’dar yo9ef lil warag …
7al sho3or ma’yen wa’sif

fe da’5elaa nar..
tadri

tadri e7’taarag ..

tadri 3anaa ..
tadri wedaa ..

gaal …
weda ye’gool …

a’bd thee den’yah ma te’swa …

ma lik ela galb ..
galb a’5er ma’9era yenjer7
ma lik ela 3eyoon
3eyoon a’5rat’7a tenzif demoo3

ma 3endi shak ..
ma 3endi sha’kawee ..
7al 7e’ber
7al wa’rag
a’bd
ma ra7 tek’fii
lajel awsuef lik .. madaa a7’zani

tadri ma ge’dar
ma ag’dar
bil’ laah

yekfii
men wayen wedik ab’tedii

The feeling called without a feeling. It is a feeling of indifference, your mindlessly numb, all you really want is to close your eyes shut and wish expectantly, you’re search for an ending.

The feeling of without a feeling. It really is indescribable. You wake up, and all you want to do is go back to sleeping. Yes, your still breathing. Yes, your heart is still beating. Yes, you have everything and yet, you still want. You still need from those wants. And whats there to living, in a feeling, of sensitivity and your body is numb.

The feeling of a feeling. A part of your body is in actual pain, and you say this is not your timing. This is just insane. I expected a feeling, and my eyes are forced shut, my body feels heavy, and you tumble me in a cycle of restless sleep.

I want a feeling.

I want.

And its always a feeling.

You are not an illusion put aside. I can actually see right through you.
You are not you. And I begin to crumple the paper;
Our crumpled hearts become indented.

They are black,
They are itched and dashed,
The hearts do not last.

You were once held.
You were once loved.

You. I draw the tracings of a ghost.
You. I draw the contours of silence edging the shape of lips,
And I touch the ink to my lips and begin to taste it.
The ink begins to flow as my tongue wets the ink.

This tongue of mine is now colored black
And you say, You said,
A heart is always ebony black.

My hair is black,
My lashes are long.
My heart is dark,
My cheeks are bones.
And the surface to my heart
Is hard, as hard as a rock.

You do not disappear.
You always come back.
You. You appear in a frame of a picture.
You. You continue to stare at a fixture.

As I draw our distance between a dream and fiction.
I have to tell you, I see right through you.
A heart of ebony black,
It is never as dark as ebony black.

Indented in our hearts is glass,
Do not pull it out.
Ebony black is not so bad.

I am not as before,
Everything in me has changed.
I am not the person you know,
The times have changed who I am,
I really was a person
Now I am a past.

Kil shy feni te’7a’wal
Im not the person you know
Il ze’man gha’yer o 7a’wal
And you no longer mind.

You are no longer on mind,
After you,
Its all more than enough.

Do not come asking,
Do not come wondering.
I have had enough of it all.
Seal your lips

Do not ask and wonder…

I am not anymore.
I am not a person you know,
I am not a person
I am a past,

When you go away

i will have no one.

I think the ropes you tied my hands in are making them bleed. I think the pressure and intensity isn’t helping. I think the knots you keep tying are cutting my blood circulation. I think I’m acutely confused. And, I think your words aren’t helping. I need you to stop thinking. You don’t hold onto words – I do.

Im pretty and you title me blue.
I can’t hear a single thing – anything was what I needed to hear.
Nothing…

Again we begin,

I think the band aide you placed on my skin is ripping. I think I’m still hurting. Don’t touch me. I think I’m trying to heal a wound, and I’m healing. I cant help myself. I’m not myself anymore. I think I’m in need of something more. I think we need to start thinking. And, I think it never gets old.
I cant feel a single thing – anything was what I needed to feel.

Listen.
I think the blindfolds you placed on my eyes are see through. I think my eyes see through you. I think I need to stop blinking. And, I think I cant see anymore. I’m in the dark, and I keep thinking. I think if your words were helping, I think I would stop thinking.
Lets start.
Again.
Here you go.
I hear nothing.
I’m not blue anymore.

I’m only smiling.

لا تعذر وصلك وشوفك تعذر 
حتى طبعك صار يا خلي عجيب
قلبك الي كان يهواني تكبر 
ما بقى مني ومن همي قريب 
حتى دمعك في وسط عينك تحجر 
ما يبكيك الوله لو هو صعيب 

في فؤادك حبي العذري تغير 
يا حسافه صرت بعيونك غريب 
روح انا راضي بحظي والمقدر 
كل واحد في حياته له نصيب 

عزتي ترفض على الظلم اتصبر 
من يبيع الحب ما يصلح حبيب  
لا تعذر وصلك وشوفك تعذر 
حتى طبعك صار يا خلي عجيب

I am tired of overusing the words.
&I am really tired of trying to let you into this heart.

I am tired of listening to the silence kill our anonymous feelings,
& you seem to just willingly want to never budge.
I….give up this so-called lust coated love.

You forget me.
& my insides are all confused.
My heart tells me to let you go,
but I never follow what it suggests.

I never listened,
I longed to voyage back to hurting.
I love your hurt.

I find you a necessary
& I give up.
I surrender.
I need for this to stop.

come to an end.

we did not start.

I have caused too much damage on myself,
to continue floating in the dark waters of unwanted.

Laish tejra7 o tensani?
Laish tegool ma te7ib
……Inta lik 7ob thani?
5ala9 ma tabeeni?
………..7abebi enta shftelik 7ob thani?
yemot il 7ob.

kil 7ob o yemoot.

P.S

i do not bite, i’d love to have some comments.

You want to know my secret.
At night, I forget the world.
I feel at ease when I forget more (like you).
You have never bothered to ask what was sacred.
What is in my world?
My world is now kept a secret.
I am closing my door (behind your departure),
And I prefer the lights off.
I will sleep in the dark again,
And the world is still dead quiet.
Will you miss my secrets, if I am unconscious for awhile?
I want good dreams,
And I want you to stop being in them.

Good night.

His eyes glistened in the wake of a dying passion,

As her eyes of black turned grey.

In the shade of there discontent,

Black tears rained.

His voice echoed a silence,

Her mute words ended their conflict.

There was never love from their start.

Only accounted mishaps and physical lust.

Their poignant ending.

Both lives could have been better.

They simply grew old and apart.

I was just a bystander,

to there August morning.

I sipped my warm coffee and bit into a tasteless croissant.

If you were at this scene,

You would watch as I painted there ending words

Into vivid pictures.

I drew there distance with wrinkles

I colored it cold with broken pencils.

To there memoir,

Signed and dated

An August of 08.

You entertained me with lies. And that is a distinct reason, to why I have failed. As it was, I failed to save you. What could I have done? You refused a million and added to one. You refused to confide. You are actually bitter than life. As you ended, you stated false truths. You verified the reasons to why I lied to you. You said, life was life. Love me more. I love you less. But I always loved you. And in the end, that was one to a million reasons we were forced to end.

I imagined a fairytale with an abrupt end. An end, to our lie. I imagined less of seeing you. I did not think it would last this long. It lasted a minute from an hour of our day. I realized these feelings; they almost always eventually die, as we will someday. They fade as we grow up and apart. We realized yesterday that life is actually just life. But, you have changed. So whose to say this life you speak of will always remain a life.

As you become this someone else. As you mold the broken pieces, as you weld the clay to me, I rest to remain the very same. No change awakens my emotions, nothing at all. I will let you know I am growing more beautiful from the inside. It was you who uglied my appearance. It was you who disdained my worth? Who acknowledged nothing of who I was, who I am, of why you very well fell in love with me, if ever you did fall?

But as the hours draw our silence, and as I stared into your eyes, you again say, but that is life. Well life is worth living away from you. Far away, and miles will keep us far apart. This is life. Just life. As it happened, and as you did, I too will move on. I hope you do the very same, but my hope has already been granted as you have done so only a year and ten days ago. Do you know, I will always love you for what you have done. This experience of a journey awakening our moments of lies. Do you also know I no longer expect honest truths, because those lies of yours will always rest to remain so beautiful.

And that is life for you.

I will only tell you four words
It makes no difference.
It apparently never has…

See a mile,
A sea is in the distance.
I will be seeing you.
Different.

Contradiction.
Contradict.
It is all different.

I will plaster my smiles.
Please call them fake.
Whisper words.
Mere lies you should take.

It was all supposed to be
Quite different.
I really do appreciate the distance.

See the ocean,
It understands
My bed of roses never died.
Its you that is dead.

It makes the difference.

Understanding reality
in the light of grey skies,
on a stormy April night.

I no longer heart you.

Sadly, I no longer heart anyone.

I give up.
My heart hurts too much.
I can no longer make any more excuses.
I am heartbroken.

My words are imprisoned.
They are just empty words.
I wanted to tell you.
.
But you love some other,
And that tears me apart.
Into delicate pieces.
My intricate chaos.

Life is going on.
And I’m still dead inside.

I will let the silence
Kill these feelings,
I will let you be.
See you in a world of beautiful worries.
See you within the memories.

Nobody has changed. Not you or me.
Sad, don’t you think?
It seems as if time is frozen,
and still you don’t possess the ability to pity me.

Your eyes tell stories.
Stories of lies untold.
Quiet honest, you never were.
No matter how I phrased your words,
it was never so.

Even as you painted the picture bright.
Your lies drew the blinds to dark.
And here I stand before you, I kindly refuse, to take this, and to take more.

This is no beautiful feeling. I want an end.
I would like an ending.
And yet, I have no illustration that we had a start.
Quite frankly, we never did.

We just spoke with finite words, that had no meaning.
There is no glossary, no dictionary for my words.
I’m left without any.
I only have a broken heart.