The year 2007….

My story was filled with disappointing passion, appreciated pain, and forgive-less lust; I fell in love. But its blind. I breathed in, and now I’m breathe-less. It fails to notice. It failed. You know better, you should see it in my eyes, I see-less. Its called appreciating Life.

You learn to live, with the heartburns.
Square one, you hurt; I exist.
Square two, I hurt; you noticed.
So when’s the heart attacked?…

Now..?

I have no key – to imprison you. What force can I use to set terms against you? I really wanted to keep it quiet, but I really wanted to tell you so, but my tongue was bleeding, and my lips were bruised. I won’t speak (now), unless spoken to.

A year has failed to change what the last spurred. But Life is still everlasting in beautiful. As the year ends, I ended to. I ended what failed to start; I never truly wanted it to exist. But now I know better. You know I knew. I realized that you’re capable of breathing too.

So.?

I adjourn a path alone.
It’s better.
Almost always.

You learn to live, within the moments. You take what you get, not what your given. You take words, you constrain their definitions to elude the honest truth. You pretend your happiness, and sometimes, you actually fool yourself.

Cosi Bella.

If I were you, I’d think that Your Battlefield is talking as though she was crazy in love. But honestly, I am talking with the mindset of being crazy in loving Life. If you learn to love life with the pain that it fails to relieve, with the hurt it fails to band aide, with the rejection it dismays, then that is as close as you could ever get to really loving Life. Remember, we all have expiration dates…;(

I don’t think I exist in your world
&
You can’t understand what you do to me.
I can’t think.
I can’t speak.
I can’t hear.
& If I could,
I’d think of you, I’d speak three words,
& unfortunately,
I won’t be able to hear your voice.
Forget it.
Forget you.
It was never anything.
Don’t worry..
It will go away, give me a few days,
A month and a year.

….

It’s raining!

& I love walking in the rain .

& If it displeases you,

that’s soo fine with me…

i’m back now, & its for awhile…

miss(ed) me.

keep missing me ;*

It always turns out for the better, and today was simply not my day. You know, it doesn’t make any sense, but I guess that’s okay. It’s always okay.
Anyways stay safe and know that,
People change.

til then,

Yours Truly – tomorrow.

(soon! 24 hrs)

I’m not sane. Not now, or for the next interval of hours. I think I’m actually in the process of losing my mind. Factual evidence points to one thing, I’m going crazy and…well you won’t be needing to know the rest. Argh. I’m so tired, and I have so many to blame!!

I can’t take it anymore. I know it’s almost over, and I’m almost there but It would be a miserable ending – if it all goes for nothing. It will be a pathetic ending, if my hard work goes for nothing. Life. Life sucks, but 72 hours and everything concerning Life will once again be beautiful. Even you!

Anyways, It’s going to be another of those Sleepless nights. I won’t sleep. I wouldn’t be able to rest if I wanted to. I can’t close my eyes. I’m too agitated, and too infatuated with … Bs, I have no patience, and I can’t waste those hours sleeping. I’m so close but so far from where I should be. I’m ….hmm, I guess I love you.

72 hours. I haven’t even packed.

I wish…for,…

Friday, come now!!!!!

Snow fell for me, and I fell for it. Incredible. I am in love.

My spirits were high, I walked in it for hours. I touched it. Felt it on my lips. It was sensational. Quiet. So thrilling. It was my lonely walk of beautiful. I was enchanted. It brought out a mixture of feelings that I never knew existed – or could ever exist.

It is still snowing. It has not stopped. But my spirits are not high, no – not anymore. Not as before. It isn’t because of the snow. Or that, or this. It is because of something, or someone, or perhaps them both. Well I found out something and if it is true…

It is sad, just heartbreaking.

But you appreciate Life.

And, the snow, it helps.

Love.

I’d rather have yesterday.

Is that okay?

If you imagined something else, it would have been better.

Since you did not,

Enchant your senses,

and just listen,

to a voice,

to a catch in his words.

A life story.

If I let you in, you’ll discover the truth.

What then?

A mild disappointment,

my Exaggeration of lust.

Insist.Crush.Forget.

un-Remarkable love.

To you,

I wish I knew then
What I know now
Same questions
A moment on the lips
Breathing better – heal
Alternatives
Just a bad day
It’s a bad life
You asked me
Enough
You have it
Life starts from within
It’s been treated with ignorance
Staying centered
You make your dreams
Anything’s possible
Another day without
But it doesn’t have to
A passionate life
When tired is too tired
Your opinion matters
Remember
Who would have thought
End of the lines?
Beautiful skin
An inside look
It all begins with you
Go ahead
Blame someone else
There is a solution
Great white hope
When we feel broken inside
Don’t worry, I’ll pretend
With a purpose
There’s relief for pain like this.

Blood pressure
Why you need a hug
If you’re not telling me No
You’re telling me yes
Keep in touch
Warm heart

Good things come
Reflections
Your hand
Breathing better
Yet nothing lasts forever

From me.

Love.

Silence…… Maybe you will appreciate.

www.listenarabic.com and type,

-Mohammad Abdo – Al Amaken

-Ibrahim Al Hakami – Shou Bini

-Saber El Roubai – 3ezet Nafsy

Then again, maybe you won’t. Sleep beckons, and I have an early schedule to denounce. Maybe later on, this morning you would call this night, I’ll write you a decent post. Time difference, seas apart.

It’s been too long. Long enough for you to forget to miss me. I bundle my words now, kept them in storage rather than publishing. Your busy with life. Exclude me.  You know, I think I’ve grown old. Too old to care, give a damn. Barely eighteen. Do you know, that I am selfishly enjoying my leisurely walks, on fine moss grass, as the soft breeze gently soothes my insides. Here I am, the wind is chilly. The clouds are mesmerizing, justly beautiful. I’m cold now. Slowly, I’m getting used to this life. Responsibility, individuality, miles away from you.

I wish instead of air planes taking us to our planned destinations, we could momentarily blink and conjure the location of our travel to avoid the discomforting seats on the flight, the abundance of noise on the plane and sustainable turbulence. And with that the no water in the bathrooms only from the sink drain will be agreeable. Hmph. What I am suggesting now is Technology steer the gateway towards my creative new way of travel.  In the blink of the eye. Smart ingenious people out there, here my voice and invent an easier way to reduce the motion sickness and dizziness one feels after a fourteen hour flight. No drugs involved, i dislike pills. I prefer the natural way of readjusting my biological clock.

Anyways, I am on American soil. I am lounging back reinforcing and recharging my energy for what’s yet to come. I am totally enjoying the green grass, the beautiful scenery as well as the cable or choices of channels to watch. But somethings back home in kuwait are irreplaceable. IRREPLACEABLE.

Pictures to follow my further posts when I get around to snapping the shots, I’ll kindly share :). I’ll see you guys later. Love, love, love. <3

I am glad I am not jet lagged yet. Glad.

Wow, such a devastating way to wake up. Let me cut the crap and go striaght to the butter. Here is the distrubed pattern that took toll in my once boring, unadventurous day.

I woke up bright and early, but I didnt want to jump out of bed. The dream I was having was one of those dreams that’s not worth waking up from until you get to the rolling credits of that picture. I really wanted to see what would go on from there. The birth of my disappointments soon to come my way. It was heart appleasing, but mind decieving. Dreams, oh bugger with dreams. Never satisfying. Anyways so I close the ringing alarm and get ready to go about and do my intended business for the day.

I get back home at 10 am, waste a few hours, waste a few more minutes, take in a few more seconds….eat, feel drowsy and then at 2 pm I decided to take a short nap. I needed that nap for fuel. I wanted to watch ER on mbc4. Last week, I missed the last eposide and didn’t want that incident to occur once more. So I slept, slept, slept. I set the alarm to ring at 7 pm. I wake up. My shutters are raised high, and the sky looks as if it’s morning, 7 am morning. The same looking morning I see occasionally every morning. Then things tumble down.

I blurt out to my sane self this: “no, no, NO. drat, I even missed the rerun timing at 3am. AWH.  the day is set to disappointment me further…. oof !”I get up nonetheless, and found people awake. Usually in the morning I see my parents getting ready to work. My sister as well. But the others are still snoozing. I come downstairs and find no way. No way. NOOOOOOOO jaw dropping way. No, really. I wearily with a miserable looking face ask is today today or is it tomorrow the next day.

What a farce? What a way to wake up? Feeling hopeless at a moment and then just a set of words …” it’s 7 pm!!” It reimburses the lost hope. What a pathetic story, aye…oh well. I trust this has happened to most likely everybody. If not, then someday it will.

Conclusion, I take my ER tv show quite seriously. Whoever disturpts my watching, pays the priceless price!. Now, I still feel sleepy. That will soon wear off. Lastily, Yes, ofcourse I can tell time. I really can tell.

😕

You do seem alright for now – I guess – if you placed me to judge this situation. Seriously, truly, with all the dignity I can muster for you. I believe you can move on. You ask too many questions! How? It’s impossible!!? Why I never gave in? How I continued to live?!

Well muse, all you do is build a barrier. With the strongest of metals, the thickest steel. You build it with your heart (not hands). With this barrier so hard, cold and crude, you learn to fend for yourself. But it’s all useless if you don’t master the art of forgetting the lest desirable, the sad devastations, that heart breaking moment – then you can carry on. It will fail, going to the gutters if you pledge or show emotion. It will only be used against you. You’d be once again, the worm set as bait. Relinquish emotions, don’t shed a tear…It would only worsen your situation.

With this advice, maybe you too can live for the better. But don’t think that…within the circumstances that come your way, that my words, how I survived will be pronunced the cure. It truly is just a treatment. You can never really run from all this. Your wish to start anew, without a hindrance, or a scratch. No,…it…can’t be made possible.

Now smile, because it does get better. I stand before you, as living proof. Maybe it may take years for the hurt to lessen, and you’ll be one of the lucky ones if it all disappears. If not, then you learn to adapt. So stop with the questions! Stop whining! Whats happened has happened. – sigh- Just forget about all the discouraging words. Mature. Don’t concede. If surrending is what you chose, than I can sadly state this.

‘Your story will be in the volumes, on my book shelf. Precisely, the volume labelled pathetic end.’

A white heart I turned black.