Reja3t ya ghalee .. Reja3t o tadri
Reja3t tabeeni .. La ya 7abebi
Ro7 .. ebte3ed leb3eed

La tethen eni barja3lik .. athmik wa beek
wa gelik  .. eni amoot feek

Wesh feeha el fargah .. Wesh raje3ak
a5ehran 7asat feeni ..
a5ehran galbik yabeeni ..

La ya 7abebi
El farga fargah ..
El dam3ah dam3ah
3yonik kanat 3yoni ..
Galbak kan ye7wani..

bs ya ghalee ..
kil shy wera7 ..
lama ghebt enta 3ani

lama be3’tni..

ro7 allah ma3ak …
ro7..  ebt3ed  .. ensa

legat enta gharee ..
balgah ana gharik ..
walkan ma wedi begharik ..
ma wedi ..

wedi akser galbi

Abeek  tensa
Ee na3am abeek tensa
Ro7i te7ebk
Kanat te7ebk
O lil asaf tabek

Ya Ro7 el Ro7

Ment daree 3an eljroo7
lo tadri
lo dareet
denyatik tisba7 be5her

Ro7i
Ro7i lil abd
Ro7i ma tadri wesh el 5her laha
Ro7i ya 7abebi lel7een taraytheek

Abeek
Abeek te7es
Abeek tadri

ma adri
ma adri laish
ma adri laish ro7i tabeek
Ya ro7i  bil lah laish amot fee

ebt3ed leb3eed
terja3 le ma abeek
ma agdar abeek
ment le o ana mo lik

el galb enkasr
kebart ana 3an el 7ub

Ro7

Rooo7 ya 5ahwan

Ro7i ra7at ma3ak

Lets start, and talk it out. Lets talk.
You start. I’ll remain silent.
Go ahead …

Breathe in …
Breathe out …

The least … you can do … is
open your heart …
Ask about me .. that is the least.
What’s between us .. is more than asking.
Its more than imagining .. its more than living.
Its more  .. you should be asking.

Every heart -  needs a moment – of stopping
Skipping – our hearts beating – Stopping.

Breathing lost …
Breathing again …
Breathing out …

The least … you can do
I’ll tell you … is that … you … should …
Find out if I’m dead from living in life.
Why don’t you live in my heart for just a while.
Just a while .. I wont tell.
I’ll keep you warm .. right inside,
I’ll let you into .. my white heart.
I’ll keep you inside.
I’ll keep our secret
For a life time.
For a long while.
For ever … even if I have to lie.

I’ll stay silent.
I’ll be quiet.

Do you know that what’s between us ..
Is bigger than loneliness ..
It’s darker than a black night ..
It’s a stolen heart .. A broken chain
A miserable look .. It’s the truth.
It’s our truth ….

A
true
feeling
inside.

Your heart only goes through it twice.

I’l stop.
I’l go.
I’l do as much as you ask for.

Do you know
That what’s between us
Is just between us
Is just between a word
Is just between a letter
Is just between a period
Is just between more than expecting

It all will hurt ..
And its worth the hurt ..

You and silence ..
You and I staying quiet ..

The story really just is …
That life is just a simple moment from living and aging
Its very simple and it will end so quick
I’l wrinkle your eyes ..
I’l kiss your lips ..
All you have to do ..
Is just live in my heart ..
For a moment..
I’l keep you inside ..
I’l let you watch me die
I’l touch your heart
I’l ask to live
I’l always ask
I’l always be asking

I‘l always start
What’s between us
Is so much more

Im wrinkled at twenty
Im died inside
But I really am living
And its all….
Because of you.

You bring me to life.

Don’t go away so soon.

You have it all put together.
Your lips are red,
Your eyes are black,
And your heart is snow white.

You touch a color,
It only burns
It doesn’t hurt –
The hurting never shows.

It doesn’t mean a thing –
If you have it put together,
You break …

Untangle the string,
Touch the threads,
My lips are red.
My eyes are black.

I use to have a heart –
It was snow white.

I’m blind to seeing colors,
Blackened glances,
Broken glass

A taste of a lime
It’s always bitter when it’s young.

Eyes so tired
Lips so dry
Hearts die

Charcoal on my fingers
Charcoal on your lips
Charcoal stinging my fingertips

A stained heart
Never gives.

You have it all put together
You have it all
I put you together

But you unashamedly say,
Its not together
If I keep falling apart everyday.

tara magdr 3alik

magdr a’gol
magdr ash’kii
madre min wain wed’ik ab’tedi

ma ge’dar ...
ma ge’dar 7al 7eber …
ma ge’dar yo9ef lil warag …
7al sho3or ma’yen wa’sif

fe da’5elaa nar..
tadri

tadri e7’taarag ..

tadri 3anaa ..
tadri wedaa ..

gaal …
weda ye’gool …

a’bd thee den’yah ma te’swa …

ma lik ela galb ..
galb a’5er ma’9era yenjer7
ma lik ela 3eyoon
3eyoon a’5rat’7a tenzif demoo3

ma 3endi shak ..
ma 3endi sha’kawee ..
7al 7e’ber
7al wa’rag
a’bd
ma ra7 tek’fii
lajel awsuef lik .. madaa a7’zani

tadri ma ge’dar
ma ag’dar
bil’ laah

yekfii
men wayen wedik ab’tedii

You are not an illusion put aside. I can actually see right through you.
You are not you. And I begin to crumple the paper;
Our crumpled hearts become indented.

They are black,
They are itched and dashed,
The hearts do not last.

You were once held.
You were once loved.

You. I draw the tracings of a ghost.
You. I draw the contours of silence edging the shape of lips,
And I touch the ink to my lips and begin to taste it.
The ink begins to flow as my tongue wets the ink.

This tongue of mine is now colored black
And you say, You said,
A heart is always ebony black.

My hair is black,
My lashes are long.
My heart is dark,
My cheeks are bones.
And the surface to my heart
Is hard, as hard as a rock.

You do not disappear.
You always come back.
You. You appear in a frame of a picture.
You. You continue to stare at a fixture.

As I draw our distance between a dream and fiction.
I have to tell you, I see right through you.
A heart of ebony black,
It is never as dark as ebony black.

Indented in our hearts is glass,
Do not pull it out.
Ebony black is not so bad.

madri w’esh agool..
madri la’ish kil’ma be’dait a’gtreb mink teb’te3ed 3ani o t’roo7..
madri la’ish kil’ma me’ni tej’ra7ik..
a’bd yoom ma kan 7el’mi eni a’jra7ik..
madri.. madri wa la’kin a’dri ena a’bd galbi ma ne’beth yo’m le ye’jra7k

madri

madri bs a7’taj .. madri bs wed’ii
madri bs adri .. madri bs a’gool
madri bs a7’taj a’gool
madri o la’kin ba’gool
re’thak enta ghali o a’dri

re’thak o  tad’ri
re’thak o wed’ii
re’thak o ad’ri
re’thak o madri

tad’ry

la .. la madry o la tadry

la bs ba’gool

a7ebik mot.

Ta’dry kay’ef el she’3oor
Kelma ta’wdii
Oo kelma a’roo7

La tegool
Elii fe 3yonik ma yen’gal
Eli fe ga’lbik ma7o ja’wab

Ta’raho mat…
Kil shay yemoot

Goli…
Ent mn tekoon

Ta’dry…
La wallah
Ta’dry…

La…5ala9
Ma’ra7 agool

* * *

I am tired of overusing the words.
&I am really tired of trying to let you into this heart.

I am tired of listening to the silence kill our anonymous feelings,
& you seem to just willingly want to never budge.
I….give up this so-called lust coated love.

You forget me.
& my insides are all confused.
My heart tells me to let you go,
but I never follow what it suggests.

I never listened,
I longed to voyage back to hurting.
I love your hurt.

I find you a necessary
& I give up.
I surrender.
I need for this to stop.

come to an end.

we did not start.

I have caused too much damage on myself,
to continue floating in the dark waters of unwanted.

Laish tejra7 o tensani?
Laish tegool ma te7ib
……Inta lik 7ob thani?
5ala9 ma tabeeni?
………..7abebi enta shftelik 7ob thani?
yemot il 7ob.

kil 7ob o yemoot.

P.S

i do not bite, i’d love to have some comments.

You entertained me with lies. And that is a distinct reason, to why I have failed. As it was, I failed to save you. What could I have done? You refused a million and added to one. You refused to confide. You are actually bitter than life. As you ended, you stated false truths. You verified the reasons to why I lied to you. You said, life was life. Love me more. I love you less. But I always loved you. And in the end, that was one to a million reasons we were forced to end.

I imagined a fairytale with an abrupt end. An end, to our lie. I imagined less of seeing you. I did not think it would last this long. It lasted a minute from an hour of our day. I realized these feelings; they almost always eventually die, as we will someday. They fade as we grow up and apart. We realized yesterday that life is actually just life. But, you have changed. So whose to say this life you speak of will always remain a life.

As you become this someone else. As you mold the broken pieces, as you weld the clay to me, I rest to remain the very same. No change awakens my emotions, nothing at all. I will let you know I am growing more beautiful from the inside. It was you who uglied my appearance. It was you who disdained my worth? Who acknowledged nothing of who I was, who I am, of why you very well fell in love with me, if ever you did fall?

But as the hours draw our silence, and as I stared into your eyes, you again say, but that is life. Well life is worth living away from you. Far away, and miles will keep us far apart. This is life. Just life. As it happened, and as you did, I too will move on. I hope you do the very same, but my hope has already been granted as you have done so only a year and ten days ago. Do you know, I will always love you for what you have done. This experience of a journey awakening our moments of lies. Do you also know I no longer expect honest truths, because those lies of yours will always rest to remain so beautiful.

And that is life for you.

I will only tell you four words
It makes no difference.
It apparently never has…

See a mile,
A sea is in the distance.
I will be seeing you.
Different.

Contradiction.
Contradict.
It is all different.

I will plaster my smiles.
Please call them fake.
Whisper words.
Mere lies you should take.

It was all supposed to be
Quite different.
I really do appreciate the distance.

See the ocean,
It understands
My bed of roses never died.
Its you that is dead.

It makes the difference.

Understanding reality
in the light of grey skies,
on a stormy April night.

I no longer heart you.

Sadly, I no longer heart anyone.

Do you know what’s beautiful,
My realization, a distance.
I’m no longer blindfolded,
I can see.
I see right through you.
Sad yet true,
You were never really special.
And it’s sad that it took me this long,
To realize.
I see now.
I actually rather not.
Give them back.
I want the blindfolds back.
I need them.
I don’t wish to see.
Or Feel.

Do you know what’s beautiful,
My realization, the closer I get
the more steps you take
back,
until your distant.
You let go.
You never had a grip.
I pushed you.
Away.
Stay distant.
I’m letting you go…
So go.
I dont care.
I really don’t.
but i actually do.

Sad
But
Very
Beautiful.

So beautiful,
You know
My realization,
My truth,
It was never beautiful.

Così bella

It always turns out for the better, and today was simply not my day. You know, it doesn’t make any sense, but I guess that’s okay. It’s always okay.
Anyways stay safe and know that,
People change.

til then,

Yours Truly – tomorrow.

(soon! 24 hrs)

Snow fell for me, and I fell for it. Incredible. I am in love.

My spirits were high, I walked in it for hours. I touched it. Felt it on my lips. It was sensational. Quiet. So thrilling. It was my lonely walk of beautiful. I was enchanted. It brought out a mixture of feelings that I never knew existed – or could ever exist.

It is still snowing. It has not stopped. But my spirits are not high, no – not anymore. Not as before. It isn’t because of the snow. Or that, or this. It is because of something, or someone, or perhaps them both. Well I found out something and if it is true…

It is sad, just heartbreaking.

But you appreciate Life.

And, the snow, it helps.

Love.

Wow, such a devastating way to wake up. Let me cut the crap and go striaght to the butter. Here is the distrubed pattern that took toll in my once boring, unadventurous day.

I woke up bright and early, but I didnt want to jump out of bed. The dream I was having was one of those dreams that’s not worth waking up from until you get to the rolling credits of that picture. I really wanted to see what would go on from there. The birth of my disappointments soon to come my way. It was heart appleasing, but mind decieving. Dreams, oh bugger with dreams. Never satisfying. Anyways so I close the ringing alarm and get ready to go about and do my intended business for the day.

I get back home at 10 am, waste a few hours, waste a few more minutes, take in a few more seconds….eat, feel drowsy and then at 2 pm I decided to take a short nap. I needed that nap for fuel. I wanted to watch ER on mbc4. Last week, I missed the last eposide and didn’t want that incident to occur once more. So I slept, slept, slept. I set the alarm to ring at 7 pm. I wake up. My shutters are raised high, and the sky looks as if it’s morning, 7 am morning. The same looking morning I see occasionally every morning. Then things tumble down.

I blurt out to my sane self this: “no, no, NO. drat, I even missed the rerun timing at 3am. AWH.  the day is set to disappointment me further…. oof !”I get up nonetheless, and found people awake. Usually in the morning I see my parents getting ready to work. My sister as well. But the others are still snoozing. I come downstairs and find no way. No way. NOOOOOOOO jaw dropping way. No, really. I wearily with a miserable looking face ask is today today or is it tomorrow the next day.

What a farce? What a way to wake up? Feeling hopeless at a moment and then just a set of words …” it’s 7 pm!!” It reimburses the lost hope. What a pathetic story, aye…oh well. I trust this has happened to most likely everybody. If not, then someday it will.

Conclusion, I take my ER tv show quite seriously. Whoever disturpts my watching, pays the priceless price!. Now, I still feel sleepy. That will soon wear off. Lastily, Yes, ofcourse I can tell time. I really can tell.

😕