A black lighter torches my wrist. Call it happiness, on the edge of forbidden bliss. The heat inside my lungs is melting my heart. Fire time, and I’m melting down. Ash kiss the ground. Cigarette close to your lips now. Smoke it now. Now. We only live in now.

A clear ashtray holds my mystery and I feel alone. Your mischievous eyes are glistening. A tear falls down. Follow it. A salt residue for you to lick. Taste the effect. Touch my struggle and plant a tobacco kiss onto my lungs. Travel and find my heart deep, deep into my lock down.

I’m locked down.

Four walls surround me. Darkness inside of me. A lighter is all you really need. A cigarette is all I speak. The smell of togetherness is lingering. Dark black eyes. Scratch. Itch. Pitch black heart. Your lighter is out of gasoline now.

Look at the red line of silence on your neck now. I form things. Listen to the beating in my heart beat too quick. Passionate pain, I died in silence and I lived.

In a dream now. Resting my forehead on your warm chest. Put out your cigarette bud onto my skin. I ask you please. I really don’t feel a thing. I just feel black. And your silent, and I have a secret to keep now. I’m addicted you know. I wish I could recycle your lungs as you hold me. Instead, I will paint this scene.

Yesterday, I recycled your lungs.

And it was beautiful touching your heart.

Min meta
Min meta tadri 3an’ah
Min meta galbik da’rah
Min meta
Min meta ya malek el da’mar

Yali kelma mink ten’zil el dam’3ah

Tej’ra7 bus’taan 7ol’lah wu’rood
Enta tadri
Ena el worud
Ma 3a’dat’t worud

Yali galbik sawaad layel wenta mas3ood
Tadri men youma7h magdar atkalem
Magdar agool

En kan fe balek azra3 wardah min jeded
Asfah
Asfah tara thaak el taraab eli kan
Ma 3ad yekoon

Bs 3ndi lik a5er kalam
Yallah ya galb
Nesre
Tara ma 3ad fe thaak el mekan

Ma7boob

Reja3t ya ghalee .. Reja3t o tadri
Reja3t tabeeni .. La ya 7abebi
Ro7 .. ebte3ed leb3eed

La tethen eni barja3lik .. athmik wa beek
wa gelik  .. eni amoot feek

Wesh feeha el fargah .. Wesh raje3ak
a5ehran 7asat feeni ..
a5ehran galbik yabeeni ..

La ya 7abebi
El farga fargah ..
El dam3ah dam3ah
3yonik kanat 3yoni ..
Galbak kan ye7wani..

bs ya ghalee ..
kil shy wera7 ..
lama ghebt enta 3ani

lama be3’tni..

ro7 allah ma3ak …
ro7..  ebt3ed  .. ensa

legat enta gharee ..
balgah ana gharik ..
walkan ma wedi begharik ..
ma wedi ..

wedi akser galbi

Abeek  tensa
Ee na3am abeek tensa
Ro7i te7ebk
Kanat te7ebk
O lil asaf tabek

Ya Ro7 el Ro7

Ment daree 3an eljroo7
lo tadri
lo dareet
denyatik tisba7 be5her

Ro7i
Ro7i lil abd
Ro7i ma tadri wesh el 5her laha
Ro7i ya 7abebi lel7een taraytheek

Abeek
Abeek te7es
Abeek tadri

ma adri
ma adri laish
ma adri laish ro7i tabeek
Ya ro7i  bil lah laish amot fee

ebt3ed leb3eed
terja3 le ma abeek
ma agdar abeek
ment le o ana mo lik

el galb enkasr
kebart ana 3an el 7ub

Ro7

Rooo7 ya 5ahwan

Ro7i ra7at ma3ak

A part of me I lost completely.
A part of me I lost within you.
A part of me I found spoiled.
A part of me I do not want to be without you.

I do not understand the meaning of forever,
And I do not know the meaning of old.
I always want to ask you, why were you never blue enough?
Why, when I want to hold you ..
Why, when I want to hold on tight ..
You let go briskly ..
When I find myself,
Complete in your arms.

I can not stop wanting,
To let go within you
To let life become you
To let myself love you.

You burn my fire, as you touch my tan skin
You stare into my dark eyes, as you plant deep kisses into my surface,
The sensations draw a wave,
From a cold ocean,
The waves are all we have
And I drown this time.

Complete and lost
Complete and gone.

I want to understand, why the skies with you,
At night time, are never cold enough,
Your hands are sage and dark,
And your eyes are completely lost.

I want to hold you,
I want to hold on,
To you,
To a frame of a picture,
When the picture is completely torn.
I want to tear myself apart,
Within you,
Lost
And your eyes always realize
That my eyes are never cold,
Their loving, and willing, and passion filled.

I love with my heart.

The tears that will fall,
Traveled a distance from the desert,
To touch the petals of a dry rose,
Kiss the lips of a homeless beggar,
Graze the hands of an innocent prisoner.

My tears are yours forever.
I will miss you when you go,

I will miss you when i go.
My heart will keep ..
Keep loving ..
Keep touching ..
Keep missing ..
A heart that was always white.

I will treasure ..
The moments ..
The hours ..
The minutes ..
As ever,
As long

If they last.

I want & I love.

Would you keep me in your heart?
From the distance?

Would you come,

I always did love you, from the start.

I’m certain I know how this will all end … its in a dream – let’s start from the end.

You picture this … your on a set of swings, your pushing against the wind. The wind pushes you back. You move your body against a force. You push yourself. The wind tries to pull  you back. You hang on tight – your flying along with the wind. You feel so different. And yet, it doesn’t feel so different.

I’m certain I know how this will all end … its in a dream – let’s call it indifference.

If you swing yourself on this rusty old swing – the metal bars will break. I wish I could tell you – that before you sat here, and decided to push against yourself, to try and fly .. that it will all come to an end. The swinging will come to a halt. The smile you painted across your face – that will soon chip off. The paint doesn’t last. The wind doesn’t always help. You picture this, I am on the swing. You push me, and I’m soaring towards the sky. My smile is transparent, and my heart is made of metal. It’s all so rusty – I don’t want to break.

A swing set .. this was so innocent.

This dream you had,  I told you .. I always told you .. keep your dreams to yourself.

I wish I felt the wind brush my eyes, and kiss my lips.

I wish, that good dreams never end.

But …

Lets start, and talk it out. Lets talk.
You start. I’ll remain silent.
Go ahead …

Breathe in …
Breathe out …

The least … you can do … is
open your heart …
Ask about me .. that is the least.
What’s between us .. is more than asking.
Its more than imagining .. its more than living.
Its more  .. you should be asking.

Every heart -  needs a moment – of stopping
Skipping – our hearts beating – Stopping.

Breathing lost …
Breathing again …
Breathing out …

The least … you can do
I’ll tell you … is that … you … should …
Find out if I’m dead from living in life.
Why don’t you live in my heart for just a while.
Just a while .. I wont tell.
I’ll keep you warm .. right inside,
I’ll let you into .. my white heart.
I’ll keep you inside.
I’ll keep our secret
For a life time.
For a long while.
For ever … even if I have to lie.

I’ll stay silent.
I’ll be quiet.

Do you know that what’s between us ..
Is bigger than loneliness ..
It’s darker than a black night ..
It’s a stolen heart .. A broken chain
A miserable look .. It’s the truth.
It’s our truth ….

A
true
feeling
inside.

Your heart only goes through it twice.

I’l stop.
I’l go.
I’l do as much as you ask for.

Do you know
That what’s between us
Is just between us
Is just between a word
Is just between a letter
Is just between a period
Is just between more than expecting

It all will hurt ..
And its worth the hurt ..

You and silence ..
You and I staying quiet ..

The story really just is …
That life is just a simple moment from living and aging
Its very simple and it will end so quick
I’l wrinkle your eyes ..
I’l kiss your lips ..
All you have to do ..
Is just live in my heart ..
For a moment..
I’l keep you inside ..
I’l let you watch me die
I’l touch your heart
I’l ask to live
I’l always ask
I’l always be asking

I‘l always start
What’s between us
Is so much more

Im wrinkled at twenty
Im died inside
But I really am living
And its all….
Because of you.

You bring me to life.

Don’t go away so soon.

You have it all put together.
Your lips are red,
Your eyes are black,
And your heart is snow white.

You touch a color,
It only burns
It doesn’t hurt –
The hurting never shows.

It doesn’t mean a thing –
If you have it put together,
You break …

Untangle the string,
Touch the threads,
My lips are red.
My eyes are black.

I use to have a heart –
It was snow white.

I’m blind to seeing colors,
Blackened glances,
Broken glass

A taste of a lime
It’s always bitter when it’s young.

Eyes so tired
Lips so dry
Hearts die

Charcoal on my fingers
Charcoal on your lips
Charcoal stinging my fingertips

A stained heart
Never gives.

You have it all put together
You have it all
I put you together

But you unashamedly say,
Its not together
If I keep falling apart everyday.

tara magdr 3alik

magdr a’gol
magdr ash’kii
madre min wain wed’ik ab’tedi

ma ge’dar ...
ma ge’dar 7al 7eber …
ma ge’dar yo9ef lil warag …
7al sho3or ma’yen wa’sif

fe da’5elaa nar..
tadri

tadri e7’taarag ..

tadri 3anaa ..
tadri wedaa ..

gaal …
weda ye’gool …

a’bd thee den’yah ma te’swa …

ma lik ela galb ..
galb a’5er ma’9era yenjer7
ma lik ela 3eyoon
3eyoon a’5rat’7a tenzif demoo3

ma 3endi shak ..
ma 3endi sha’kawee ..
7al 7e’ber
7al wa’rag
a’bd
ma ra7 tek’fii
lajel awsuef lik .. madaa a7’zani

tadri ma ge’dar
ma ag’dar
bil’ laah

yekfii
men wayen wedik ab’tedii

I am not as before,
Everything in me has changed.
I am not the person you know,
The times have changed who I am,
I really was a person
Now I am a past.

Kil shy feni te’7a’wal
Im not the person you know
Il ze’man gha’yer o 7a’wal
And you no longer mind.

You are no longer on mind,
After you,
Its all more than enough.

Do not come asking,
Do not come wondering.
I have had enough of it all.
Seal your lips

Do not ask and wonder…

I am not anymore.
I am not a person you know,
I am not a person
I am a past,

When you go away

i will have no one.

I think the ropes you tied my hands in are making them bleed. I think the pressure and intensity isn’t helping. I think the knots you keep tying are cutting my blood circulation. I think I’m acutely confused. And, I think your words aren’t helping. I need you to stop thinking. You don’t hold onto words – I do.

Im pretty and you title me blue.
I can’t hear a single thing – anything was what I needed to hear.
Nothing…

Again we begin,

I think the band aide you placed on my skin is ripping. I think I’m still hurting. Don’t touch me. I think I’m trying to heal a wound, and I’m healing. I cant help myself. I’m not myself anymore. I think I’m in need of something more. I think we need to start thinking. And, I think it never gets old.
I cant feel a single thing – anything was what I needed to feel.

Listen.
I think the blindfolds you placed on my eyes are see through. I think my eyes see through you. I think I need to stop blinking. And, I think I cant see anymore. I’m in the dark, and I keep thinking. I think if your words were helping, I think I would stop thinking.
Lets start.
Again.
Here you go.
I hear nothing.
I’m not blue anymore.

I’m only smiling.

I give up.
My heart hurts too much.
I can no longer make any more excuses.
I am heartbroken.

My words are imprisoned.
They are just empty words.
I wanted to tell you.
.
But you love some other,
And that tears me apart.
Into delicate pieces.
My intricate chaos.

Life is going on.
And I’m still dead inside.

I will let the silence
Kill these feelings,
I will let you be.
See you in a world of beautiful worries.
See you within the memories.