I never learn. I choose to get burned, over and again. I give it the match and kindly watch as it lights my skin on fire. I breathe, I take in the moment. I feed our silence with my distressed voice. I tried. I really tried. I died, and I died. And it pathetically was without comforting words. It spoke nothing. It left me nothing to hold onto. No single word, even a letter would mean the very world.

Silence, and we fell silent. A thousand words it did not speak. My dried eyes knew only how to weep. A waterless weep. The heat of a warming desert dried me. It provided the warmth that it refused to give. It gave me everything, and then more of which I had no need. Is it wrong to need?

I stand disappointed. Disappointed in all that I was. I spoke dishonest feelings, and I breathed in false hope. I breathed it in. I wanted it to care. But now, I do not want it. I do not want it to exist. I want this all to end. I want to go away. For years, and maybe a hundred will do. I want to forget a sense of known-ness. I want to run. I long to run away. I want the sand to stop burning my toes. I want to feel breathless. I want to stop making a fool of myself. Here I am wanting, and the heat brings us to an end.

The arabian desert, and I will love you in the silence.

Look at you. So happy and delighted with whats happened to me. I wish you only knew. I momentarily loved you. But the fires of sensations are turning cold. Its almost numbing. I can’t feel anymore.

Your back. And with the aspect of ‘hope’, a will to revive a dying sensation. Stop, I let go. Please don’t bother. I’m happy as we are. I’m happy, guilt embodies our history. Your guilty of emotional instability, and I’m guilty of returning. I only wished it all happened sooner. Yes, I really am proud of you in this world. Its alright that your the one beginning to ‘hope’. But I’ve let it go. It’s rejuvenating, that I’ve silenced a feeling. I’ll befriend the silence, over your words everyday.

Feel my neglect. I’m acting indifferent. Did you just notice my departure? Life can change in an instance. Stop coming back. Please trust me when I tell you – I’m proud of who you are. But leave me alone. I’ll watch you from afar. I’ll watch as you smile at whats happened to me…

Please don’t waste anymore of my time, the fire you’ve started I’m putting out.

I don’t fear getting burned. The pain will fade eventually and subside. I want my words back, I want my hurt. I want the feelings to numb me again. Here we go again, the end of resistance. I will tumble in a cycle, of recollecting. What never was, can never hurt, but it will always haunt while I recollect the memories. I have self worth, I have paved boundaries, I am a special kind of nothingness.

-Post inspired by Asala’s song – Etfrag 3ala Nafsek….:)

I have 4 questions, and I will very much enjoy your responses…..

1. Do you believe in second chances? & If so, why..

2. How do you forget in the act to forgive? Is there an instruction manual, & where is this purchased?

3. Why do we stay in touch with those that keep putting us down??? ( i don’t mean those that let you down,….)

4. Has anyone found the answer to which is deeper (the deep blue ocean or your hearts capacity to fall madly in love)?

….& now I shall wait for your response.

I feel horrible, I am turning into a person I never wanted to be. I am becoming cold. But do you blame me? Do you really? Would you not turn cold if you were not experiencing what I have been enduring?

Do you realize one thing that is shattering my glass into more intricate pieces. I picked the pieces up before. I have picked them up once and it was not long ago. And I very well assume and think I have enough strength to continue doing so. You get hurt and then you heal. Even if some of the pieces seep into my veins and hurt – I will heal. Even if your words no longer make me feel special. Even after I bathe in the hours silence, even after I realize that you were never anything – I will find some bright to this dark shade of grey. I will begin to feel again.

For now, I thank you for the horrible feeling. Thank you for making me feel no feeling.

I dont feel great, or wonderful. I am however lost and searching for something I do not know. And now that the weather is turning cold…. It is keeping cooling my insides even more. I was always sweet and pleasant and now I am just broken and distant. I write to erase a past. I write to mark a present. I write because I feel cold. I write because I was always unwritten.

Thank you for no words. Thank you for excessive hurt. Thank you for the hours of nothing more. Thank you so much. Without you, I would not have experienced and become a piece of broken glass.

I can hurt you too, you know.