This year of eight was tiring. It tested faiths, it separated a pair of white doves, and it colored a pale sad face. Could you define remarkable without griming the evidence of humility? Could you touch broken, and then lay a hand on a statue so lifeless and unmoving?

A broken window you gifted me,
The glass you broke, you made me feel.
I lived in the moment, I burned my hands.
I felt resonating sensations,
And the tears
They fell.

You own a heart.
And I squared myself.
I gave you a circle
And you hurt yourself.

I too noticed
I too felt
I too understand
I too can melt.

This was saturation on living, and the colors were perfectly mixed. I placed the paints to your lips – and trailed my falling tears wetting your sleeve. In a moment you wash away, in a moment the delicate edges contouring your face give. Here is where I stood last night, and here is where your face compels my sanity at night.

A blanket and a candle I held. A year is all I have and you left. Now I’m cuffed around my wrists, and you hold the keys. I speak and I feel, and I hold on to hurt. But letting go takes more of time and past guilt. I really am just me. I’m not titled wonderful and my veins don’t bleed in bliss. I’m clothed in fabrics in this cold, but when I walk past you I’m naked and warm.

If you really appreciate a year, and the hurt it gives, I hope you appreciate who I am. I don’t take back anything this year gave. Even if it was a bad year, even if I have a scratch or two, even if my bones are tired, and my feet are giving up on me. My heart is not made of steel, and I can easily break. A year and everything has changed.

I think in all my grey
Happiness kissed me,
But before it did,
It told me you make happiness what you make it seem.

I’m so happy and the world tonight smiles again,
The stars are dancing around the moonlight.
And as the moon stays for awhile,
Tomorrow the sun will shine.

A part of me I left in you. A part of me I lost in you.
I want me back. I should own my heart,
It was attached to me.

So give back my heart you handsome thief.

You don’t deserve, And you have no heart,
Stop using mine, Just stop.

Have you no mercy? Or even pity?

The rights we drew on the white sand have washed away.
Our footprints no longer exist. Our past erased.
There is no ocean or a bed of roses between our tides –
Only uneven breathings and restless eyes.
We lost it all when I gave in.

I forgot to drown.
You forget.

I drown.

At times, the water isn’t enough, and your tears don’t fall as much.
This is what we paint a picture to seem,
And this is where the ending of a beginning fails to begin.

A part of me I wrote in you. A part of me I found in you.
Within your heart, I barely beat.
This weather of cold and a sensation called numb,
Please
I can barely breathe.

Underneath these layers of fabric is my skin, and sometimes the fabric gets too thin. I wore it out, I wore it wrong. Take it off, rip the seams, shed my lies and bare this skin, and I’ll start again. I called you nothing.

Underneath the layers of clothes is my heart, and sometimes the clothes get too warm. My skin is hot, my heart beat stops. But you keep it beating. It beats too hard. Can you feel again?

I stop.

I tell you, I want nothing.

But I’ll start again, this time it will last.

I line the threads, I stitch your heart, but mine is breaking. And now I’m out of thread, my needle is no longer sharp. I can’t poke at my own heart.

I’m left with nothing.

I’m not warm enough, and my heart beat would like to stop. Take back your nothing. I can’t start again.

There’s nothing left.

I think the ropes you tied my hands in are making them bleed. I think the pressure and intensity isn’t helping. I think the knots you keep tying are cutting my blood circulation. I think I’m acutely confused. And, I think your words aren’t helping. I need you to stop thinking. You don’t hold onto words – I do.

Im pretty and you title me blue.
I can’t hear a single thing – anything was what I needed to hear.
Nothing…

Again we begin,

I think the band aide you placed on my skin is ripping. I think I’m still hurting. Don’t touch me. I think I’m trying to heal a wound, and I’m healing. I cant help myself. I’m not myself anymore. I think I’m in need of something more. I think we need to start thinking. And, I think it never gets old.
I cant feel a single thing – anything was what I needed to feel.

Listen.
I think the blindfolds you placed on my eyes are see through. I think my eyes see through you. I think I need to stop blinking. And, I think I cant see anymore. I’m in the dark, and I keep thinking. I think if your words were helping, I think I would stop thinking.
Lets start.
Again.
Here you go.
I hear nothing.
I’m not blue anymore.

I’m only smiling.

Love the distance
Burn my skin
Kiss my eyes
And whisper
Forever is what I give

Walk the distance
Burn my heart
Kiss my tears
And whisper
Forever is not a given.

I never stop thinking,…because then it ends.

I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to keep this hurt. I want to walk away. I want to have never stayed. I want to erase a picture in a past, I want to drown a memory and hope it struggles when it tries to resurface, I hope it dies. I don’t know, I don’t feel anything anymore. I’m completely lost and desperately in need of this to stop. I let it all go. I untied the ropes, I set my chained self free. But this freedom was never welcoming and I just don’t understand anything anymore.

I am tired and I will close my eyes. I’m going to extinguish the candle lighting my fire. I never was right in the start. I was all wrong. But life is unpredictable, and you cant but appreciate the lessons you continually relearn. Here’s to a life, here’s to a sky filled with shooting stars, here’s to a wilting rose. Here’s where I stand, and here was where I will come to fall.

Thank you for coming into my life, and thank you for leaving too.

….