An old man’s sleeping on that brown bench over there,
And the black coffee in my hand is growing cold.

I hate the smell of coffee.
I hate this heat.

I haven’t been quite the same anymore.
I haven’t been who I was anymore.
Does it matter anymore?

I’m going to go for a walk.
I’m going to go for a long walk.

I remain on the sidewalk,
Breathless and searching.

I stared at you,
I blinked.

My eyes felt foggy
And the rain
It started to pour on us.
Again.

You drank your coffee.
And I watched you in silence.

You can paint me.
You can chalk the words onto my skin.
You can talk.
You can forget.
You can wait.
You can do what you want.

But I’m hurting insde.
I’m as cold as the coffee.

You can close my eyes,
I will lie very still.

I keep seeing you in the nights,
I keep seeing you and I get very cold,
I see you when everything grows silent

I see you.
And then I lie very still.

This hurts too much.
I want to sit beside the old man on that bench,
I want his story to pain my hardship,
Its always falls apart
When you find security,

I don’t know how this goes
I don’t know if the hurt can go
I just know that the coffee is old

I want to close my eyes
And lie very still

I want to go

Please break the silence,
I want to smile again.

From this reflection of glass I watched your cheeks turn plum red. I could realize that our eyes didn’t blink but once. So I watched as the smiles danced around your eyes. And my heart told you; it’s only a little time before our hearts completely stop.

Stop. Look away. This is pure torment. Your sensual I’m passionate. You start to desire, and I start to visualize how I’m going to set you ablaze. This is guilt. It’s painful guilt. I want your lips. I want them to travel everywhere. I want a meltdown. I want this fire to start, to burn strong, to burn dark. The temperature rises to hot. Lets stop. Stop watching each other before we get burned.

I watch you closely;

I’ve realized that I’m missing you more.

Even though,

I’m seeing you a lot more.

***