I never do this ,, and I never will again ,,

Its a once in a lifetime thing ,,

A sound of relevance.

Confused by everything.

I tried to hide you in my heart. I honestly failed. You see, you’ll always be in my eyes. I wont deceive me, I really don’t know what to do. I have to stop saying. I have to stop. But I cant stop this feeling. Help me bury it.

Bury me.

Deep.
Deep to my knees.
A thickness of mud,
Clump the waste against my heart.

I have to bury my love for you.

Because you
Your not as you usually are
Your almost as dead as that rose I gifted you

I
I should smile for you
Mask my sadness
Just for you
I’m closing my heart from you again

Your in love with someone else

Right now

Everything
Everything is wondering
Wonder where you are
Wonder if she keeps you up at night
Wonder if you actually know what love means

Because you failed to find it in me

I really loved you

Just remember the moment of our insanity
My heart was in yours
Yours is still buried in mine
You’ll always be

Buried deep
Deep in my heart
You supply me with blood

I only wish in my eyes
You would realize
That my eyes genuinely love you

I don’t know why
I don’t know until when

But I don’t know anymore
I wish you would let me know you

My only wish is
I hope you are well
I hope you are great
You are in my heart
But I have to force you out

I must stop caring
Because your in love with her
I have to dig deeper
I need to be chest deep in the mud

I need it to remain buried
I’m back to remaining silent

My first lie I gift from my heart

I hate you.

My feelings are cold. The hours are dark. I wanted a lot from 2009 but I was left without a feeling. I am even colder now. I use to own my heart.  I use to actually mean my smiles. I have never lied this much to myself. A time ago I would cry tears. You could easily trigger their release. But just yesterday, when I should have cried not even a single tear wet my eyes.

I am emotionless. I really am numb.
I do not know who this person I look at in the mirror looking back at me wants.

You really think you know your life is on track then it all unravels. I am lost with all your sadness. How much can a human handle of a burden that is not theirs?

I can only shackle my ankles. I will gently handcuff my own hands. I will place the blindfolds in your hands. Kindly blind me.

I will not ask you please.
I need to momentarily escape.

I miss smiling.

Nothing even started right this year.

I still am without a heart,
You never gave it back.

And now with it gone, I do not even know why I feel so broken from the last few days when I should simply be empty.

I want to dance in the river of my own tears, and I want to watch the moon kiss the stars as they did once upon a time.

I am not happy.
And I honestly do not want to be happy right now.
I can not even if you forced me

You masked me in my own bitterness
You were suppose to love me until the cord quit.
But here I am questioning the simplest of loves, and the strangest vine in this world.

I want it all black
So blindfold me.

You can duck tape my lips,
I do not want to speak

Silence always loved me.
The only love yet to disappoint.