Lonely piece of furniture, I sit beside you in a sea of brown boxes, I feel so empty. Do you not feel guilty? I carefully taped the edges of those boxes, and filled up the containers with memories of passion filled love. I was beautiful and loving. I miss myself. Remember once how I felt so alive. I felt unbreakable, strong, but now I break in the silence of a moonless night. Things have changed. I changed myself.

Where are we? I tried to find myself in the contents of those boxes. I could not find me anywhere! I need you to start searching. Where am I? I thought you were going to help me find myself.

I feel so lonely.

Frail eyes and weak lips, the mountain of forever is collapsing.

And I was standing below, and now the debris is covering my soul.

Blow the dust off my chest.

A heavy weight is sitting on my chest, a taste of salt is on my lips, and I miss myself everyday more and more. I feel completely empty, and the inside of my heart is bruised. I whispered I was lonely and yet I found a sad smile forming on my lips. How can I smile in this loneliness?

Fumes of a match break my silence, and the smell of spent is on my mind. Can you believe how much can change in a year, month, week, day, hour, minute, and the scariest of them all was in mere seconds. I feel so different. I thought you were meaningful. I found meaning in you. But now I boxed you all together, a piece of life, a piece of love, a piece of hatred, a piece of lust and used black duck tape to seal the past.

I am moving now, and inside the sea, you are still capable of drowning me. I spent a year trying to find myself, and now that I have, I lost her again. Passing in the night, all I found was silence, tears, and a sharp feeling in my insides. I walked late last night, a mile and returned to my doorstep.

I came home, to a place with mounting boxes, and things packed together for a permanent move. I realize that time only heals the wounds, and then an action progresses the hurt. I am growing stronger, but remind me again why do I feel so lonely right now.

I had a passionate heart,

I think I lost it in the last move.

fe da5’eli 9amt weda yegool weda ye7ki ..
el galbi majnoon youmi yenbeth fe 7ubaak
o youmi thane yegsa yet’ndam 3ala 7ubak
3ala dagate el galb ele tnbeth o tegool
a7ebek
ya rou7i a7ebk
galbe tara sheka ..
sheka lel hawa sheka ..
sheka yabe tbared e7sasa
tarani ya 7abebi
thebti fe 7ubek
ya majnoon
ya majnoon 3yoni fe 3yoonk
abgah a7kelak 7abebi
bs tadre
tadre eshloon
tadre ma ra7 agool
byebgah bil galb mastoor
el galb yemote fek
ye3shagek o yeg’leek
ya 7ubi el mamnoo3
er7amni
er7amni tara a’3shagek wa moot
amoot feek yale sa7er 5’yali w sa7er e7sasi
btsken galbi lil abd
btsken 3yoni 7ata lo tebakeni
enta 7ubk yenaseni
ent bthel lil abd 7abebi
tadre sheli 9ar feeni
tara gelt le 7abebi a7ebek
o howa ma jaweb w ma 7eka
thalathat 7erouf tedafeni
walken
masmoo7
ana galbe majroo7
w hata fe jar7a
ynbeth o yegool
a7ebek
ya 7abebi
a7ebek
wa moot b7ubak
								

A black lighter torches my wrist. Call it happiness, on the edge of forbidden bliss. The heat inside my lungs is melting my heart. Fire time, and I’m melting down. Ash kiss the ground. Cigarette close to your lips now. Smoke it now. Now. We only live in now.

A clear ashtray holds my mystery and I feel alone. Your mischievous eyes are glistening. A tear falls down. Follow it. A salt residue for you to lick. Taste the effect. Touch my struggle and plant a tobacco kiss onto my lungs. Travel and find my heart deep, deep into my lock down.

I’m locked down.

Four walls surround me. Darkness inside of me. A lighter is all you really need. A cigarette is all I speak. The smell of togetherness is lingering. Dark black eyes. Scratch. Itch. Pitch black heart. Your lighter is out of gasoline now.

Look at the red line of silence on your neck now. I form things. Listen to the beating in my heart beat too quick. Passionate pain, I died in silence and I lived.

In a dream now. Resting my forehead on your warm chest. Put out your cigarette bud onto my skin. I ask you please. I really don’t feel a thing. I just feel black. And your silent, and I have a secret to keep now. I’m addicted you know. I wish I could recycle your lungs as you hold me. Instead, I will paint this scene.

Yesterday, I recycled your lungs.

And it was beautiful touching your heart.