A part of me I lost completely.
A part of me I lost within you.
A part of me I found spoiled.
A part of me I do not want to be without you.

I do not understand the meaning of forever,
And I do not know the meaning of old.
I always want to ask you, why were you never blue enough?
Why, when I want to hold you ..
Why, when I want to hold on tight ..
You let go briskly ..
When I find myself,
Complete in your arms.

I can not stop wanting,
To let go within you
To let life become you
To let myself love you.

You burn my fire, as you touch my tan skin
You stare into my dark eyes, as you plant deep kisses into my surface,
The sensations draw a wave,
From a cold ocean,
The waves are all we have
And I drown this time.

Complete and lost
Complete and gone.

I want to understand, why the skies with you,
At night time, are never cold enough,
Your hands are sage and dark,
And your eyes are completely lost.

I want to hold you,
I want to hold on,
To you,
To a frame of a picture,
When the picture is completely torn.
I want to tear myself apart,
Within you,
Lost
And your eyes always realize
That my eyes are never cold,
Their loving, and willing, and passion filled.

I love with my heart.

The tears that will fall,
Traveled a distance from the desert,
To touch the petals of a dry rose,
Kiss the lips of a homeless beggar,
Graze the hands of an innocent prisoner.

My tears are yours forever.
I will miss you when you go,

I will miss you when i go.
My heart will keep ..
Keep loving ..
Keep touching ..
Keep missing ..
A heart that was always white.

I will treasure ..
The moments ..
The hours ..
The minutes ..
As ever,
As long

If they last.

I want & I love.

Would you keep me in your heart?
From the distance?

Would you come,

I always did love you, from the start.

i wish good would last .. i wish the sun sets and the moon rises. i wish wishes stayed true and hearts never broke .. i wish good things never end .. i wish black could color every color .. i wish i was grey .. i would last that way .. the world will always keep spinning as your coming and im going .. i dont know where i’m going with this .. only that some wishes come true .. and some wishes never do ..

I’m certain I know how this will all end … its in a dream – let’s start from the end.

You picture this … your on a set of swings, your pushing against the wind. The wind pushes you back. You move your body against a force. You push yourself. The wind tries to pull  you back. You hang on tight – your flying along with the wind. You feel so different. And yet, it doesn’t feel so different.

I’m certain I know how this will all end … its in a dream – let’s call it indifference.

If you swing yourself on this rusty old swing – the metal bars will break. I wish I could tell you – that before you sat here, and decided to push against yourself, to try and fly .. that it will all come to an end. The swinging will come to a halt. The smile you painted across your face – that will soon chip off. The paint doesn’t last. The wind doesn’t always help. You picture this, I am on the swing. You push me, and I’m soaring towards the sky. My smile is transparent, and my heart is made of metal. It’s all so rusty – I don’t want to break.

A swing set .. this was so innocent.

This dream you had,  I told you .. I always told you .. keep your dreams to yourself.

I wish I felt the wind brush my eyes, and kiss my lips.

I wish, that good dreams never end.

But …

Lets start, and talk it out. Lets talk.
You start. I’ll remain silent.
Go ahead …

Breathe in …
Breathe out …

The least … you can do … is
open your heart …
Ask about me .. that is the least.
What’s between us .. is more than asking.
Its more than imagining .. its more than living.
Its more  .. you should be asking.

Every heart -  needs a moment – of stopping
Skipping – our hearts beating – Stopping.

Breathing lost …
Breathing again …
Breathing out …

The least … you can do
I’ll tell you … is that … you … should …
Find out if I’m dead from living in life.
Why don’t you live in my heart for just a while.
Just a while .. I wont tell.
I’ll keep you warm .. right inside,
I’ll let you into .. my white heart.
I’ll keep you inside.
I’ll keep our secret
For a life time.
For a long while.
For ever … even if I have to lie.

I’ll stay silent.
I’ll be quiet.

Do you know that what’s between us ..
Is bigger than loneliness ..
It’s darker than a black night ..
It’s a stolen heart .. A broken chain
A miserable look .. It’s the truth.
It’s our truth ….

A
true
feeling
inside.

Your heart only goes through it twice.

I’l stop.
I’l go.
I’l do as much as you ask for.

Do you know
That what’s between us
Is just between us
Is just between a word
Is just between a letter
Is just between a period
Is just between more than expecting

It all will hurt ..
And its worth the hurt ..

You and silence ..
You and I staying quiet ..

The story really just is …
That life is just a simple moment from living and aging
Its very simple and it will end so quick
I’l wrinkle your eyes ..
I’l kiss your lips ..
All you have to do ..
Is just live in my heart ..
For a moment..
I’l keep you inside ..
I’l let you watch me die
I’l touch your heart
I’l ask to live
I’l always ask
I’l always be asking

I‘l always start
What’s between us
Is so much more

Im wrinkled at twenty
Im died inside
But I really am living
And its all….
Because of you.

You bring me to life.

Don’t go away so soon.

You have it all put together.
Your lips are red,
Your eyes are black,
And your heart is snow white.

You touch a color,
It only burns
It doesn’t hurt –
The hurting never shows.

It doesn’t mean a thing –
If you have it put together,
You break …

Untangle the string,
Touch the threads,
My lips are red.
My eyes are black.

I use to have a heart –
It was snow white.

I’m blind to seeing colors,
Blackened glances,
Broken glass

A taste of a lime
It’s always bitter when it’s young.

Eyes so tired
Lips so dry
Hearts die

Charcoal on my fingers
Charcoal on your lips
Charcoal stinging my fingertips

A stained heart
Never gives.

You have it all put together
You have it all
I put you together

But you unashamedly say,
Its not together
If I keep falling apart everyday.

tara magdr 3alik

magdr a’gol
magdr ash’kii
madre min wain wed’ik ab’tedi

ma ge’dar ...
ma ge’dar 7al 7eber …
ma ge’dar yo9ef lil warag …
7al sho3or ma’yen wa’sif

fe da’5elaa nar..
tadri

tadri e7’taarag ..

tadri 3anaa ..
tadri wedaa ..

gaal …
weda ye’gool …

a’bd thee den’yah ma te’swa …

ma lik ela galb ..
galb a’5er ma’9era yenjer7
ma lik ela 3eyoon
3eyoon a’5rat’7a tenzif demoo3

ma 3endi shak ..
ma 3endi sha’kawee ..
7al 7e’ber
7al wa’rag
a’bd
ma ra7 tek’fii
lajel awsuef lik .. madaa a7’zani

tadri ma ge’dar
ma ag’dar
bil’ laah

yekfii
men wayen wedik ab’tedii

The feeling called without a feeling. It is a feeling of indifference, your mindlessly numb, all you really want is to close your eyes shut and wish expectantly, you’re search for an ending.

The feeling of without a feeling. It really is indescribable. You wake up, and all you want to do is go back to sleeping. Yes, your still breathing. Yes, your heart is still beating. Yes, you have everything and yet, you still want. You still need from those wants. And whats there to living, in a feeling, of sensitivity and your body is numb.

The feeling of a feeling. A part of your body is in actual pain, and you say this is not your timing. This is just insane. I expected a feeling, and my eyes are forced shut, my body feels heavy, and you tumble me in a cycle of restless sleep.

I want a feeling.

I want.

And its always a feeling.

you let go
and that’s life.
one day you’ll realize
its much more beautiful,
when everything isn’t
falling into place.
when you let go,
you begin to feel
you can escape

if you let go
your living
for me
and
its
really so
beautiful

when it all isn’t in place
and when you don’t know
what’s left what’s right
all you should know
is knowing at times
is irrelevant

just let go
live life

You are not an illusion put aside. I can actually see right through you.
You are not you. And I begin to crumple the paper;
Our crumpled hearts become indented.

They are black,
They are itched and dashed,
The hearts do not last.

You were once held.
You were once loved.

You. I draw the tracings of a ghost.
You. I draw the contours of silence edging the shape of lips,
And I touch the ink to my lips and begin to taste it.
The ink begins to flow as my tongue wets the ink.

This tongue of mine is now colored black
And you say, You said,
A heart is always ebony black.

My hair is black,
My lashes are long.
My heart is dark,
My cheeks are bones.
And the surface to my heart
Is hard, as hard as a rock.

You do not disappear.
You always come back.
You. You appear in a frame of a picture.
You. You continue to stare at a fixture.

As I draw our distance between a dream and fiction.
I have to tell you, I see right through you.
A heart of ebony black,
It is never as dark as ebony black.

Indented in our hearts is glass,
Do not pull it out.
Ebony black is not so bad.

I am not as before,
Everything in me has changed.
I am not the person you know,
The times have changed who I am,
I really was a person
Now I am a past.

Kil shy feni te’7a’wal
Im not the person you know
Il ze’man gha’yer o 7a’wal
And you no longer mind.

You are no longer on mind,
After you,
Its all more than enough.

Do not come asking,
Do not come wondering.
I have had enough of it all.
Seal your lips

Do not ask and wonder…

I am not anymore.
I am not a person you know,
I am not a person
I am a past,

When you go away

i will have no one.

What comes in a lifetime,
Only comes just once.
If the comings begin to hurt,
Then I promise,
To heal your restless heart.

A thousand condolences,
to the part you buried.
It still, is  hurting.

And, those thousand letters,
of intimate words,
that formed an echoing silence,
they were useless.

I gave you,
I gave
all of my hurt,
to you,
but it continues to hurt.

It is all in a lifetime,
And, it all,
just comes around,
just once.

madri w’esh agool..
madri la’ish kil’ma be’dait a’gtreb mink teb’te3ed 3ani o t’roo7..
madri la’ish kil’ma me’ni tej’ra7ik..
a’bd yoom ma kan 7el’mi eni a’jra7ik..
madri.. madri wa la’kin a’dri ena a’bd galbi ma ne’beth yo’m le ye’jra7k

madri

madri bs a7’taj .. madri bs wed’ii
madri bs adri .. madri bs a’gool
madri bs a7’taj a’gool
madri o la’kin ba’gool
re’thak enta ghali o a’dri

re’thak o  tad’ri
re’thak o wed’ii
re’thak o ad’ri
re’thak o madri

tad’ry

la .. la madry o la tadry

la bs ba’gool

a7ebik mot.

Do you know what it is?
Do you hear the effortless sigh that escapes?
Do you find it surreal?
Do you realize that I am real?

A tear falls,
The Lightening strikes,
And I am in your arms.
Time to stop.

My heart.

If I told you exactly what words do to me … Your gesture so small and irrelevant … I completely take you under resurfacing … I am all soaking wet … I turn and find you in between a line, so refined … Do you know how it begins ?

Touch my skin and take my words,
You can keep them against your heart ..

Drip, drop.

Drip, drop.

I shiver,
And it all stops.

It is a thunderstorm.
It is raining and tears continue to fall,
So tell me,
Have you found a story in his arms?

A dream I am,
You are not to wake.
But Time passes,
And so you wake.

Watch the rain kiss their skin.
Feel the heat of a cold night warm his eyes.
Touch the tears that descend onto her cheeks.

It just is a sad story ..
We titled unwritten ..
And still ..

Continue to watch,

The raining does not stop. The raining is endless.

I need the countless tears to kiss my skin,
And I need to feel complete again.
Please … I only wish for one thing.

Please let it rain.

*-*-*

It’s like ripping off a band aide, and at first the bleeding was nothing serious, and the scar never hurt. But now that the band aide is coming off, I’m all exposed and my wound actually hurts ..

An oval circle, and your two round eyes ..
A voice of beautiful, and my heart just lies ..

You can’t hurt a wound that’s healing, and you can’t damage a heart that doesn’t love. I thought I knew, but every stitch that I touched, my knowing became less and the words couldn’t do ..

It’s like ripping off a band aide that never needed to be called an aide. It wasn’t as serious of a wound, or a scar or a black bruise. It doesn’t matter quite that much anymore .. It just hurts ..

A cage and a glass, a bird touches a dove ..
I wish you could understand ..
That the band aide you just placed on my heart,
It’s not doing much ..

It hurts well enough ..

Then again, I’m still breathing ..
Nothing can ever hurt ..
I said I’m healing ..
And the words make do ..

it really does hurt …