Ta’dry kay’ef el she’3oor
Kelma ta’wdii
Oo kelma a’roo7

La tegool
Elii fe 3yonik ma yen’gal
Eli fe ga’lbik ma7o ja’wab

Ta’raho mat…
Kil shay yemoot

Goli…
Ent mn tekoon

Ta’dry…
La wallah
Ta’dry…

La…5ala9
Ma’ra7 agool

* * *

I have nothing to say anymore. I think somehow, along the lines of winter, I lost myself. I don’t know who I am anymore. And what makes me shiver in this cold … is I really don’t know who you are anymore.

There’s nothing left to say.

.

.

.

I’m going to be silent

.

.

I’m going to be okay.

I walk a step ahead
A distance between
And He saw me

Wait.

You no longer melt my insides
You fail to burn my skin
I don’t wait.

No.

He says less
And She doesn’t smile
What’s in the heart…
It dies after a while

After everything else
You won’t find ever
Its always a minute ago
Its always a moment ago
Its always a touch
A favored caress
Always forgivable
Always imaginable

Let go

I walk a step behind
A distance between
And She saw me

Yes

She touched the tip of his fingertips
And He held still

She paints
She places her hands on his tired face
Presses his lips together
And draws a smile
But He doesn’t smile again.

Wait.

I hold a solid fact of truth
He called her true
But She let it go

So stop.
Just go.
She’s stopped waiting for you…

Remaining Silent by Aziz Nesin

“There is no word unsaid under this sun..
That is why I say at nights that I love..
There is no word unsaid either at night or during the day..
And I say what has already been said in new forms..
There is no form in the world not tried…
And I remain silent, hiding my love inside…
You hear how my silence screams, don’t you…
There are many declaring their love with silence, my love…
But there is no one who loves like I remain silent….”

This year of eight was tiring. It tested faiths, it separated a pair of white doves, and it colored a pale sad face. Could you define remarkable without griming the evidence of humility? Could you touch broken, and then lay a hand on a statue so lifeless and unmoving?

A broken window you gifted me,
The glass you broke, you made me feel.
I lived in the moment, I burned my hands.
I felt resonating sensations,
And the tears
They fell.

You own a heart.
And I squared myself.
I gave you a circle
And you hurt yourself.

I too noticed
I too felt
I too understand
I too can melt.

This was saturation on living, and the colors were perfectly mixed. I placed the paints to your lips – and trailed my falling tears wetting your sleeve. In a moment you wash away, in a moment the delicate edges contouring your face give. Here is where I stood last night, and here is where your face compels my sanity at night.

A blanket and a candle I held. A year is all I have and you left. Now I’m cuffed around my wrists, and you hold the keys. I speak and I feel, and I hold on to hurt. But letting go takes more of time and past guilt. I really am just me. I’m not titled wonderful and my veins don’t bleed in bliss. I’m clothed in fabrics in this cold, but when I walk past you I’m naked and warm.

If you really appreciate a year, and the hurt it gives, I hope you appreciate who I am. I don’t take back anything this year gave. Even if it was a bad year, even if I have a scratch or two, even if my bones are tired, and my feet are giving up on me. My heart is not made of steel, and I can easily break. A year and everything has changed.

I think in all my grey
Happiness kissed me,
But before it did,
It told me you make happiness what you make it seem.

I’m so happy and the world tonight smiles again,
The stars are dancing around the moonlight.
And as the moon stays for awhile,
Tomorrow the sun will shine.

A part of me I left in you. A part of me I lost in you.
I want me back. I should own my heart,
It was attached to me.

So give back my heart you handsome thief.

You don’t deserve, And you have no heart,
Stop using mine, Just stop.

Have you no mercy? Or even pity?

The rights we drew on the white sand have washed away.
Our footprints no longer exist. Our past erased.
There is no ocean or a bed of roses between our tides –
Only uneven breathings and restless eyes.
We lost it all when I gave in.

I forgot to drown.
You forget.

I drown.

At times, the water isn’t enough, and your tears don’t fall as much.
This is what we paint a picture to seem,
And this is where the ending of a beginning fails to begin.

A part of me I wrote in you. A part of me I found in you.
Within your heart, I barely beat.
This weather of cold and a sensation called numb,
Please
I can barely breathe.

Underneath these layers of fabric is my skin, and sometimes the fabric gets too thin. I wore it out, I wore it wrong. Take it off, rip the seams, shed my lies and bare this skin, and I’ll start again. I called you nothing.

Underneath the layers of clothes is my heart, and sometimes the clothes get too warm. My skin is hot, my heart beat stops. But you keep it beating. It beats too hard. Can you feel again?

I stop.

I tell you, I want nothing.

But I’ll start again, this time it will last.

I line the threads, I stitch your heart, but mine is breaking. And now I’m out of thread, my needle is no longer sharp. I can’t poke at my own heart.

I’m left with nothing.

I’m not warm enough, and my heart beat would like to stop. Take back your nothing. I can’t start again.

There’s nothing left.

I think the ropes you tied my hands in are making them bleed. I think the pressure and intensity isn’t helping. I think the knots you keep tying are cutting my blood circulation. I think I’m acutely confused. And, I think your words aren’t helping. I need you to stop thinking. You don’t hold onto words – I do.

Im pretty and you title me blue.
I can’t hear a single thing – anything was what I needed to hear.
Nothing…

Again we begin,

I think the band aide you placed on my skin is ripping. I think I’m still hurting. Don’t touch me. I think I’m trying to heal a wound, and I’m healing. I cant help myself. I’m not myself anymore. I think I’m in need of something more. I think we need to start thinking. And, I think it never gets old.
I cant feel a single thing – anything was what I needed to feel.

Listen.
I think the blindfolds you placed on my eyes are see through. I think my eyes see through you. I think I need to stop blinking. And, I think I cant see anymore. I’m in the dark, and I keep thinking. I think if your words were helping, I think I would stop thinking.
Lets start.
Again.
Here you go.
I hear nothing.
I’m not blue anymore.

I’m only smiling.

Love the distance
Burn my skin
Kiss my eyes
And whisper
Forever is what I give

Walk the distance
Burn my heart
Kiss my tears
And whisper
Forever is not a given.

I never stop thinking,…because then it ends.

I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to keep this hurt. I want to walk away. I want to have never stayed. I want to erase a picture in a past, I want to drown a memory and hope it struggles when it tries to resurface, I hope it dies. I don’t know, I don’t feel anything anymore. I’m completely lost and desperately in need of this to stop. I let it all go. I untied the ropes, I set my chained self free. But this freedom was never welcoming and I just don’t understand anything anymore.

I am tired and I will close my eyes. I’m going to extinguish the candle lighting my fire. I never was right in the start. I was all wrong. But life is unpredictable, and you cant but appreciate the lessons you continually relearn. Here’s to a life, here’s to a sky filled with shooting stars, here’s to a wilting rose. Here’s where I stand, and here was where I will come to fall.

Thank you for coming into my life, and thank you for leaving too.

….

Whats it to you? To realize that my bed of roses have died. Whats it to you? If I told you that you are not what you seem to be. You were better in the figment of my imagination, in the privacy of my dreams. Words do not draw meaning, and meanings do not come from your heart. I have rarely found happiness in your existance, and its not going to hurt when you cease to exist.

Life strangely smiled back at me, as I drew our blinds shut. In this darkness, I will not follow you with my heart. I am standing back, and setting things aside. I will be to you as you are to me. In our difference, much remains the same. Stop this profound resisting to resist. Simply give in.

Bright eyes, your blue smile makes me smile. Your something unspoken just drew my end. Here’s to the feeling of broken glass, feeling complete once again.

Life changes in an instance. No one ever stays. You move on, you let things unravel, and you paint pictures titled beautiful. You appreciate what you have, even after its gone. Life lesson, I appreciate life, and the changes coming.

I hope you do too…

I never learn. I choose to get burned, over and again. I give it the match and kindly watch as it lights my skin on fire. I breathe, I take in the moment. I feed our silence with my distressed voice. I tried. I really tried. I died, and I died. And it pathetically was without comforting words. It spoke nothing. It left me nothing to hold onto. No single word, even a letter would mean the very world.

Silence, and we fell silent. A thousand words it did not speak. My dried eyes knew only how to weep. A waterless weep. The heat of a warming desert dried me. It provided the warmth that it refused to give. It gave me everything, and then more of which I had no need. Is it wrong to need?

I stand disappointed. Disappointed in all that I was. I spoke dishonest feelings, and I breathed in false hope. I breathed it in. I wanted it to care. But now, I do not want it. I do not want it to exist. I want this all to end. I want to go away. For years, and maybe a hundred will do. I want to forget a sense of known-ness. I want to run. I long to run away. I want the sand to stop burning my toes. I want to feel breathless. I want to stop making a fool of myself. Here I am wanting, and the heat brings us to an end.

The arabian desert, and I will love you in the silence.

Look at you. So happy and delighted with whats happened to me. I wish you only knew. I momentarily loved you. But the fires of sensations are turning cold. Its almost numbing. I can’t feel anymore.

Your back. And with the aspect of ‘hope’, a will to revive a dying sensation. Stop, I let go. Please don’t bother. I’m happy as we are. I’m happy, guilt embodies our history. Your guilty of emotional instability, and I’m guilty of returning. I only wished it all happened sooner. Yes, I really am proud of you in this world. Its alright that your the one beginning to ‘hope’. But I’ve let it go. It’s rejuvenating, that I’ve silenced a feeling. I’ll befriend the silence, over your words everyday.

Feel my neglect. I’m acting indifferent. Did you just notice my departure? Life can change in an instance. Stop coming back. Please trust me when I tell you – I’m proud of who you are. But leave me alone. I’ll watch you from afar. I’ll watch as you smile at whats happened to me…

Please don’t waste anymore of my time, the fire you’ve started I’m putting out.

I don’t fear getting burned. The pain will fade eventually and subside. I want my words back, I want my hurt. I want the feelings to numb me again. Here we go again, the end of resistance. I will tumble in a cycle, of recollecting. What never was, can never hurt, but it will always haunt while I recollect the memories. I have self worth, I have paved boundaries, I am a special kind of nothingness.

-Post inspired by Asala’s song – Etfrag 3ala Nafsek….:)

I have 4 questions, and I will very much enjoy your responses…..

1. Do you believe in second chances? & If so, why..

2. How do you forget in the act to forgive? Is there an instruction manual, & where is this purchased?

3. Why do we stay in touch with those that keep putting us down??? ( i don’t mean those that let you down,….)

4. Has anyone found the answer to which is deeper (the deep blue ocean or your hearts capacity to fall madly in love)?

….& now I shall wait for your response.