I feel horrible, I am turning into a person I never wanted to be. I am becoming cold. But do you blame me? Do you really? Would you not turn cold if you were not experiencing what I have been enduring?

Do you realize one thing that is shattering my glass into more intricate pieces. I picked the pieces up before. I have picked them up once and it was not long ago. And I very well assume and think I have enough strength to continue doing so. You get hurt and then you heal. Even if some of the pieces seep into my veins and hurt – I will heal. Even if your words no longer make me feel special. Even after I bathe in the hours silence, even after I realize that you were never anything – I will find some bright to this dark shade of grey. I will begin to feel again.

For now, I thank you for the horrible feeling. Thank you for making me feel no feeling.

I dont feel great, or wonderful. I am however lost and searching for something I do not know. And now that the weather is turning cold…. It is keeping cooling my insides even more. I was always sweet and pleasant and now I am just broken and distant. I write to erase a past. I write to mark a present. I write because I feel cold. I write because I was always unwritten.

Thank you for no words. Thank you for excessive hurt. Thank you for the hours of nothing more. Thank you so much. Without you, I would not have experienced and become a piece of broken glass.

I can hurt you too, you know.

Your eyes are no longer beautiful.
I just don’t know you.
No, not at all.
Not anymore.
You see, Your eyes told lies,
They made me feel beautiful.
Your eyes.
They were sweet.

A sigh – use to always escape from me.
I actually fell for you.
I fell in love with you.
And now I’m trying to fall out.
Out of love.
I’m trying to forget you, maybe forgive too.
I’m trying really hard.
I need time.
It takes time.
To forget all of what you meant to me.

You were never anything.
You were just a headache and a liar.
And don’t lie,
Everything that includes me was never important,
Yes, I’m being true.
You were never true.
If I was important, you wouldn’t have stopped
And fed our silence – with your cold indifference.
You wouldn’t have stopped loving who I was to you.
But you’re a liar.
And I can no longer appreciate anything,
Involving you.
You’ll be a mere hello and I’ll be quick with
The goodbye.
Coffee before midnight…

It was all lies.
I don’t need your words.
I don’t need you.
I don’t need anything that is you.
I simply have no way of knowing..
But I used to love you.
I use to.
I was used.
Here’s to the special
One I trusted,
And burned.
Here’s to falling for someone,
Undeserving.

Here’s to you.

لا تعذر وصلك وشوفك تعذر 
حتى طبعك صار يا خلي عجيب
قلبك الي كان يهواني تكبر 
ما بقى مني ومن همي قريب 
حتى دمعك في وسط عينك تحجر 
ما يبكيك الوله لو هو صعيب 

في فؤادك حبي العذري تغير 
يا حسافه صرت بعيونك غريب 
روح انا راضي بحظي والمقدر 
كل واحد في حياته له نصيب 

عزتي ترفض على الظلم اتصبر 
من يبيع الحب ما يصلح حبيب  
لا تعذر وصلك وشوفك تعذر 
حتى طبعك صار يا خلي عجيب

I am tired of overusing the words.
&I am really tired of trying to let you into this heart.

I am tired of listening to the silence kill our anonymous feelings,
& you seem to just willingly want to never budge.
I….give up this so-called lust coated love.

You forget me.
& my insides are all confused.
My heart tells me to let you go,
but I never follow what it suggests.

I never listened,
I longed to voyage back to hurting.
I love your hurt.

I find you a necessary
& I give up.
I surrender.
I need for this to stop.

come to an end.

we did not start.

I have caused too much damage on myself,
to continue floating in the dark waters of unwanted.

Laish tejra7 o tensani?
Laish tegool ma te7ib
……Inta lik 7ob thani?
5ala9 ma tabeeni?
………..7abebi enta shftelik 7ob thani?
yemot il 7ob.

kil 7ob o yemoot.

P.S

i do not bite, i’d love to have some comments.

You see this is how it always goes. You go for your moments, and then you look up the term replaceable. Is that not sweet? Is that not quite the something.

You. I always dreamt of you. I have painted your picture twice. In my mind, the brushes and acryllics did you more than justice defined. I made you real.

You know, I find you irreplaceable. But unlike you, I do not forget and walk away. I hold on and that is just a shame.

Your long past gone and the memories were spared. We were nothing more than restless boring summer nights and gushing winds that blew against our cheeks.

I keep this sad memory. I keep dreaming of you. Last night, I dreamt of you. But you have never dreamt of me. I promised you nothing.

Maybe I can stop tomorrow. For you always seem to steal my time. I am almost damaged. I am falling apart, and I barely have a breathe.

I am with a broken heart. I keep bleeding. I think I am in pain, and I keep asking you to heal me. I feel I need something.

Broken does not last forever. Thank you for coming inside my head. I just keep seeing your broken reflection in my eyes. Your purpose in my life seems to have lost its prize.

I keep falling apart. I have your broken heart. I feel like bleeding. I am in pain. And now are you healing? I am holding on to your broken heart. I am holding on. You left me here alone. I think I lost my way now, but I have not forgotten how you were my home.

Its raining every so lightly. The rain makes me feel happiness but I killed your romance in the rain. I killed your heart. You obviously moved along. She found you more to her likes, and she is less of a complication. I wish I could tell you exactly how the weather makes me feel for you. But that is now not slightly even possible.

I hate how I see you more. I hate how you cant put my puzzles back into their pieced togetherness. I very much hate you. But that can not stop me from falling for you even more. Please do something. Go away. Tell me something that will make me hate you. Make me loathe you. For right now, even as you torch my wounds and give me more sorrow and guilt, I am very much taken away by you. I still feel broken.

Is this what you define as my happiness?

You have your days,
& I have mine.
You forget to smile,
But I keep smiling at you.
You have a special someone,
& I have you.
You remember memories,
But I live in you.

Flashback.

Happiness kissed me today,
Because the sky was crying,
And the rain poured and cleansed
My very weary soul.

I am back in the arms of fate,
But I miss you a little more.
I shouldn’t but I very well do,
& that keeps me smiling too.

Love.
You.
Rain.

Rain tomorrow,
Rain all day.

Before I climb this mountain, and before I promise you my happiness… I will paint you my glittering smile, and wipe your falling tears. Before it all even more, before I promise you a journey of beautiful dreams, I will take it to my heart to call me ‘yours’. I will end clouding your thoughts; I will let my eyes explain these feelings. I will call myself ‘love(d)’.

Before I confuse you and before I dance around your fears, I want you to know that this last summer I watched the sun rise. I watched the lonely hours turn into long days. I came to figure out that no one really cares and I should not allow myself matter to them.

People will come as I go, some will heart my smiles and circle my waist, some may actually care. But I realized that some will paint you lies and except from you honest truths. But here I am, telling you (my favorite stranger) I am older and the dark circles have made me wise. You make those people matter, and you are the only one required to change when they derive you out of the equation.

Indifference does not wound, it is going along the lines of lies that kill and caress my sweet revenge. My life story is in these very lines of a hard year, a treacherous summer and a lost sense of found freedom. I am writing my memories, and I am clouding your eyes with these few paragraphs but, I just redefined myself and I am re-appreciating the good things in life. And maybe, just maybe, I have had the power of coloring your heart with a little shade of wonderful.

Ofcourse I love you.

But I will always be me, and I will change the meaning of ‘you’.

Lets face it, you changed. You changed in your absence, and your distance radiated a heated indifference.

Do you ever think of the past? A present? A forseen future?

You know…

Maybe there was one good thing from all of this, you no longer visit my dreams anymore.

I sleep well, and your heart was always black.

Why do I call after you?

Why do I miss you?

Why cant I speak my feelings?

Back to my dreams,

Lonely and remarkably silent.

I am hurt (but I am slowly forgetting).

You want to know my secret.
At night, I forget the world.
I feel at ease when I forget more (like you).
You have never bothered to ask what was sacred.
What is in my world?
My world is now kept a secret.
I am closing my door (behind your departure),
And I prefer the lights off.
I will sleep in the dark again,
And the world is still dead quiet.
Will you miss my secrets, if I am unconscious for awhile?
I want good dreams,
And I want you to stop being in them.

Good night.

I’m bitter and confused, with words and the lack of. What’s there to figure, the skies are never blue enough. I am your absolute grey. Here’s to the memories, bland and describable. I always seem to forget how to smile. But thats life, and today was sadly a beautiful rainy day.

I just don’t understand life anymore. You break me into a million and one delicate pieces. Then you kindly come back to me with glue and sincere words.

You put me back together, but sooner than later. You’ll break me apart.

I’m too confused to defend my silence. Can you please just give back my heart? It still hurts in your keeping. I’d rather it hurt in me.

I’m beautiful and I keep lying.

I will never make sense.

Good dreams.

I don’t want to talk. I will remain silent. I’ll hold myself still. It said thats better, you always were.

I said it changed. And in its cruel voice it replied, ‘how so’?

(We drifted apart)

I refuse to answer. I don’t hold the words anymore. I hold onto nothing.

You use to be all I want. But the facts draw me to truth.

I am a liar, who you use to call beautiful.

Thank you for breaking me into a million and one pieces. You enjoy my wounds. You provide more hurt, unneeded pain. My black tears will soon rain. So thank you for the sensual torment. Thank you for the pitied laughs. And most of all, thank you for leaving me alone, cringing to life’s bitterness. I needed you the most then.

And now, I no longer need.

His eyes glistened in the wake of a dying passion,

As her eyes of black turned grey.

In the shade of there discontent,

Black tears rained.

His voice echoed a silence,

Her mute words ended their conflict.

There was never love from their start.

Only accounted mishaps and physical lust.

Their poignant ending.

Both lives could have been better.

They simply grew old and apart.

I was just a bystander,

to there August morning.

I sipped my warm coffee and bit into a tasteless croissant.

If you were at this scene,

You would watch as I painted there ending words

Into vivid pictures.

I drew there distance with wrinkles

I colored it cold with broken pencils.

To there memoir,

Signed and dated

An August of 08.

Most dreams are never meant to be true….

Then again,

Maybe it was just you..….

I will let you know, how I’ve placed all your worth, all those words of yours, that truly hurt. I chose to shelter your emptiness in a small brown cardboard box. I put a permanent marker, danced it to the smooth surface, and I pitied myself as I drew your name with a heart in love. I want that to die soon, and you’ve done well to see to that. I’ve labeled this box fragile capitalized, must handle with ease and caution. Think of it as this, that’s one less of a reason, to why I’m broken.

Do you want to know what’s special? This box harbors all of a past, that never was. It wasn’t written and it couldn’t be possible. You don’t exist. At least, you failed too. Just know, that as I closed this box, and placed the memories captive, I chained my heart. I too am held captive, to your words, that never made sense, and I’m smiling. At least I’ll honestly tell you, its a fake smile, insincere. I’ll lighten you with something wonderful, I’m living now in a cruel reality and your words will always rest to remain just words.

As it was.

I’ll keep ending…